happy little bluebird

Rewriting Childhood Songs

2009-04-18T10:11:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've been trying to remember all the songs from my childhood. It's interesting to revisit these lyrics as adult. -- Some examples being Ring Around the Roses, Jimmy Crack Corn, or Buffalo Gals... You take a look at the history or context, and realize you just need to try to ignore the literal or implied meaning of the lyrics. Every once in awhile, I run across a song that has some golden parts to it, but some trash as well. So instead of throwing the whole thing out, I just keep what I want and make up the rest.

Example #1: Good Morning, Good Morning from Singing in the Rain.
In the movie, they're singing good morning because they've stayed up the whole night. And honestly I can't remember much more than, "Good Morning, Good Morning. It's great to stay up late. Good Morning, Good Morning to you." It's not that it's inappropriate for children, it's just that it's not very fitting. So I changed the words and added a bridge, and here's the new version I sing to Hazel every morning while changing her diaper:

Good Morning, Good Morning
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, Good Morning to you
Good Morning, Good Morning
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, This day is for you
You had a good night sleepy-time in bed
But now it's time for upsie-daisy, silly-head
Good Morning, Good Morning,
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, This day is for you

Example #2: Let the Sunshine In
Here's another one in need of a face lift. I love the chorus -- to me it was always a chipper anthem of the power of positive thinking. But then the other day I started singing the verse I remembered, and had to stop myself. It's all about the devil! I got online to see if there were other verses more appropriate for children, and found out that all the verses to that song are about the devil. Why anyone would craft such a delightful song with such terrible subject matter is beyond me -- like making a bouquet out of carcasses. So I took a little time to think about what I thought the song should say, and here is my new version:

My mother told me something
That a little girl should know
And it’s all about your attitude
When giving things a go
She says look for the good in things
And you will surely see
If you’re positive and confident
You can do anything

chorus:
So let the sunshine in
Face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
And frowners never win
So let the sunshine in
Face it with a grin
Open up your heart and
Let the sunshine in

While driving me to school one day
My daddy did explain
That I’m the one responsible
For having a good day
He says no matter what the day brings
You can always choose
To respond with kindness and you’ll find it
Keeps away the blues

[chorus]

And now whenever storm clouds
darken up the sky
I know just what I need to do
to get me through the night
I say a little prayer and
Remember to be brave
And a rainbow will soon appear
to chase away the gray

[chorus]

There! Much better!

The chorus always reminded me of the experience that inspired the second verse. I can remember many many mornings when my dad would be driving us kids to school, and he would ask, "Are you going to have a good day today?" The first few times we would point out that there's no way we could know that -- how could we know what would happen to us that day? And then he would start in with a little pep talk about how no matter what happens or what other people do, we always have control over our reaction and how we handle things. He would encourage, "Only you determine what kind of day you have!" After the first few speeches, anytime he would ask us "Are you going to have a good day?", we would just groan and laugh. We all remember those conversations very well, and as cheesy as it may be, it bears a lot of truth -- and is much better subject matter for a song!

FAME!!!

2009-04-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

My favorite stitching site invites patrons to submit their completed embroidery projects. They pick their favorites and display them in their gallery. I submitted my latest project, and guess what?!?!??? I made it! Click here to check me out.

Addendum 4/17/09: Can you believe it? They blogged about it! Thanks for letting me know, Jessica!

I'll Fly Away

2009-04-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

The little bird has picked up a new trick! When she gets excited she flaps her arms like she's going to fly away. Everytime she would do it, I would yell at Tory to come watch and of course she would stop. I was trying to get it recorded to show him and had to act fast to get the camera in time. -- So fast that I left a dang dirty diaper on the table and it's in the video. Gross. Bad Mama.

First Cereal Video

2009-04-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

For those of you that want to see the event in motion, here's a video for you. Sorry about the breast pump in the background! It kind of reminds me of the "money you could be saving with geico"....if you've seen those commercials. Please pardon my SUPER cheesy commentary. I've got to learn to keep quiet in these videos! We did the first half of the meal with the other video (tape) camera. By the time we got to the second half with our digital (this one), she was starting to lose interest a bit. It'll probably be moderately interesting for grandparents and family, and super dull for the rest of you.

House Sweet House

2009-04-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

Because I have spent the last 6 years putting out emotional fires with rational thought, I will do a very poor job in the next few paragraphs of conveying how deeply the show House touches me. I'm simply out of practice when it comes to feeling. (But that's not the subject for this blog, so we'll move on.) I would skip the entry altogether, but I think so highly of the show that I can't not mention it.

I've been watching House for a few years now. It started because I have a thing for a) hard truths cloaked in sarcasm delivered by fearless and credible people, and b) older attractive and intelligent men, especially if they exhibit the previous quality. (Definitely helps if they are right most of the time and play piano and guitar.) Dad, if you're reading, don't get weirded out on me -- I promise this isn't oedipal.

What kept me watching (in addition to the aforementioned qualities), is the subject matter. The topics of House may be much like any other medical drama -- life, death, meaning, etc. But no other medical drama has ever appealed to me, probably because most of them are driven by hope, while House is driven by cynicism. Now that speaks to me.

I wanted to write a blog earlier this year, when the episode titled Unfaithful aired in February. A priest had a vision of Jesus and got very sick and ended up as Gregory House's patient. The two men went back and forth about faith, both trying to prove a point and convince the other while still figuring out where they stood on the subject. I need to go back and watch it, because there was so much meaty dialogue. That was the first time I watched a tv episode and needed a week to work through the cloud/clarity it left in my brain. It was fantastic.

Tory went out to watch the game (basketball, right?) with a buddy tonight, so I got to watch House with him gone, which allows me to concentrate much more. Thank goodness, because I would have needed to be alone with this episode (Simple Explanation). One of the doctor's on House's team calls in because "his dog is sick", and two other doctors on the team go to check in on him -- finding him on the floor. Self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

I'm assuming anyone who is reading knows why I would identify: boyfriend's suicide in 2003, brother's suicide in 2008. They are both events I still deal with and work through everyday.

If I were writing a paper, I would make sure of all my sources and then start giving you all sorts of statistics. Since this is just a blog, I don't have to do that. I'm not going to remember them all accurately, and I don't feel pressure to. But here's some information for those of you unfamiliar with the subject. Suicide is common. And it's not talked about for the most part. It's a sickness. If it hasn't directly or indirectly creeped into your sphere of influence, just wait -- it most likely will. If it creeps in close, a loved one, your world will be blown open and you will find yourself in the spiral of a huge question mark. If the strike isn't so close, it may be just enough of the evil to vaccinate you from the heartache. If it sucks the life out of your heart more than once in 5 years, call me and we'll have a drink.

People don't talk about suicide because there's no happy ending. There's never even a mediocre ending -- there just isn't an ending at all. Usually we never really know why someone does it (even if they leave a note), and mainstream media needs closure. Doesn't matter if it's the news or movies or tv or magazines -- no one wants to report an unknown. It doesn't sell.Most people don't have a decent understanding of the subject. I can't blame them too much. Why would you want to investigate something so melancholy? The church seems to have its stance on suicide -- they will talk about it because it is their duty to feign impathy, though judgment is hard to conceal. Most from the older generation won't acknowledge the subject. And then there is a vast sect of society that uses the repulsive term "selfish act" with a clear and severe disrespect of the deceased and their remaining confidants. I think these people must have very simple minds and simple hearts and just have never experienced the far reaching boundaries of a tragic and beautiful soul. I want to shake them -- close them in a room with a well written book on the subject and the ghosts of suicide victims until they understand, but I'll keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I kind of envy their simplicity.

House took the subject and ran like an Olympian, creating a beautiful dance between the subjects of guilt and love. Resigning, you can't feel that much guilt with out love. Gregory House returns to Kutner's apartment repeatedly on a quest to discover the explanation, questions his friends and his parents, scouring every remaining piece of his life for clues. Brings back memories. A colleague consoles, Kutner hid from everyone. You didn't get a chance to save him; no one did -- "chance" being the operative word that makes that quip right in every way. The show ends with a funeral, and a beautifully accurate portrayal of personal paths of grief. The lonely stoic. The empty, drained faces of the parents. The friend that avoids the subject until a moment alone when it hits and brings a blubbering flood.

To whomever is responsible for making this show the soul-wrenching meaty-meal that it is, I commend you. Thank you for tackling a taboo subject and for doing it so f***ing well. A well needed heart massage, and a message needing heard.

Hazel's First Cereal

2009-04-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

We have taken the leap!

The past week and a half, Hazel has been draining me dry and begging for more. She's said goodbye to all of her 3-6 month clothing, and is now exclusively in 6-12 month duds. I guess it's time to grow again. I feel so bad when she's rooting & rooting & rooting for more, and there's just not a drop to be found.

She can sit unassisted, has been noticing food, can drink water out of a big-girl cup (but won't take a bottle, go figure), and seems generally hungry -- so I figured it was time to introduce some cereal. She's about 5 1/2 months, so we're right on the AAP's schedule.

I've been putting it off because (sorry to get graphic) her bowels have started really spacing out. She'll go about 5 or 6 days between number two's, which makes me cringe, but I guess it's fairly normal. Currently, she's on day 9 and we're still waiting for what promises to be a monstrous explosion. It's really really uncommon for a breastfed baby to get constipated (so they say), so I just keep working her legs, massaging her tummy, and letting her eat as much as she wants. Everyone has advice on the subject, and I welcome all of it. It didn't seem right at first to think about adding in something thicker than she's used to when she's potentially plugged up, but it seems that most of the material online & from my doc's office is telling me not to worry. So I'm done worrying. Bring out the spoon!

I made about 5 tsp of rice cereal with breastmilk. SHE LOVED IT!!!!! It all went well-- like she had been eating for months! I put some on the spoon and showed it to her; she opened wide and closed down on the cereal. Easy-peasy. Not all of it went down the hatch, she sometimes would just move it around in her mouth or ooze it out, but all in all I would call it a very successful first meal. Hooray!

Breastfeeding Article

2009-03-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

This is for all you moms out there who have successfully or unsuccessfully or apathetically breastfed your child.

Check out my friend's blog entry on the subject.

And also be sure to read the article he is referring to.

In Dan's perfect words -- It's a level-headed and refreshingly skeptical look at the hype, over-selling and judgmental posturing that attaches to contemporary breast-feeding.

Take a minute to read it -- seriously. Please do it now. Latch on and don't stop until you've finished the rich hind-milk of it. You won't be let down.

(and while you read it, note my beef with the subject: even in professional literature the presentation of the word is inconsistent -- breastfeeding, breast-feeding, breast feeding...)

Oh, I went down south for to see my gal...

2009-03-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

We are finally almost recouperated from our trip this past weekend. My best friend from college, Timberly, got married to Josh on Saturday down at Nottoway Plantation just outside of Baton Rouge. I was a bridesmaid. It's a terrible time of year for Tory to be away for any length of time, so I asked my mother to go with me to help take care of Hazel.

Our flight left at 6am Friday morning, so Mom & I were up by 3:45 and out the door at 4:30. Quite a different process trying to fly with a baby! You've got to take so much more stuff, and going through security is a mess. But we made our flight (barely), and Hazel was perfect the whole time. We got to the plantation a little early and our room wasn't ready for us yet; since we were so so so tired, we just slept in the car for awhile like a bunch of vagabonds.

Nottoway Plantation is gorgeous! The grounds were verdant (except for some areas of construction), the buildings were amazing, and the rooms were perfect. And don't even get me started on the furnishings & linens! The property sits right behind the levee of the Mississippi, and is the largest plantation in Louisiana. There were snapdragons & pansies planted everywhere, along with a variety of palms -- and then, of course, the stately oaks. A gorgeous spot to spend a weekend.

Speaking of gorgeous -- my friend Timberly... I stopped taking pictures once the photographers got there, so I didn't really get any of her in her wedding dress, but oh--my--goodness, she was breathtaking. The wedding was very girly and pretty -- very Timberly. Her mom did all the flowers (silk), and the decorations seemed straight out of fairly land. Pretty, pretty, pretty....

It was great to see some of her friends from high school again (I was the only one from MNU), and we all had a fabulous time. She couldn't have asked for more perfect weather. Blue skies, sunshine, and always a nice little breeze. There was a restaurant and gift shop on the grounds, so we never had to leave or want for anything!

Second to the bride, Hazel was a superstar. She was passed around nonstop; I don't think her bottom touched a seat for two days. It was great for my mom to get to spend that much time with her, and I know Hazel loved it too. Everytime I looked at them they were cracking each other up or cuddling or doing something sweet together. There's no way I would have been able to enjoy the trip without bringing her along.

The only downside of the trip was that during the reception, I felt a little nauseous and went back to the room -- and came down with the stomach flu! It was awful! I was laid up until Sunday afternoon when we had to leave to catch a 4pm flight back home. Still felt pretty weak, but managed to move my legs & get myself through the airports. Sheesh... That bug sucks for sure. Luckily neither Hazel nor my mom got it from me.

Here are a few pics!

Sit Up, Spit Up

2009-03-25T15:00:00.001-07:00

The other night, I decided to get a pic of the brand new little sitter... and ~OOPS~ look what happened!
And then it looks like she's saying, "Well, Mom, you should have known!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Later that night, she had a playdate with Nellers. They are finally starting to notice and be interested in each other.

Hazel Jane, 5 Months

2009-03-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! Time flies -- this post is late! I've been pretty good about a monthly update, but with our recent trip down south, time got away from me.

Hazel was 5 months old on March 17th. Five months seems pretty accurate -- doesn't seem like time is going by too fast or too slow. But when I think about her almost being 6 months, it scares me to death! Now that seems too old! I'm just not going to think about it for now.....

Hazel can sit up now. At some point, she tumbles over, but she can usually sit up for at least a few minutes. Often she leans forward and touches the floor for some support. Almost looks like she's folding herself in half sometimes. You would think her being able to sit up would make taking her picture a little easier, but it's quite the opposite in fact. She is rarely content to sit back anymore, so she's always bobbing all around. I'm still thankful that she hasn't started moving around yet -- just for the sake of the floor maintenance it's going to require of me.

She has a pretty set schedule now. She wakes up about 7-8am and eats, then plays in her exersaucer while I do some chores. (I know she's awake when I hear her talking to herself in bed -- so cute.) We do some more fun morning-time activities, and then when she starts to get a little fussy, she has her second breakfast followed by a morning nap. She will eat 3-4 more times in the day with an afternoon nap thrown in there somewhere. And then she usually falls asleep somewhere between 7 and 9pm. She sleeps in her crib downstairs, which took awhile for me to get used to, but it's great now (she was previously in the bassinet upstairs down the hall from us).

Some of her favorite activities include playing in her exersaucer or playgym, reading books with mama, "donkey rides" with dad, talking to people (loves this a lot), playing piano & singing with me, taking stroller rides, looking at groceries in the store, and watching her mobile. The books say 5 month olds are supposed to be over their mobiles by now, but she still loves it -- especially if she's a little tired. She loves-loves-loves to have fuzzy fabrics in her hand, but doesn't have a preference for a particular blanket or animal. She seems to really enjoy diaper time, and sometimes we'll talk and play at the changing table for quite awhile.

This fifth month has also included some not-so-pleasant happenings. She's gotten sick a few times -- a cold, throwing up, being constipated. She's also continued to spit up quite a bit, and always seems to do it right before I get the burp cloth up in the right spot. She wants to put everything in her mouth, but hasn't quite developed the coordination to get things in there correctly, which is one reason I think she favors cloth so much -- she can just bunch it up & stuff it all in there. She's also still quite a drooler. I guess it's possible she's teething, but the doc doesn't think so and I haven't seen any visible teeth trying to push up yet.

She eats really well. Well, she eats well from me. But boy, try to get her to take a bottle and you would think someone was pinching off her nose. She hates it! She gets sooooo mad. She was taking them for awhile there, and then just stopped. I've tried different bottles, different nipples, different positions -- nothing seems to work. It's not really a big deal because I'm available to nurse, but it makes it pretty much impossible for me to leave her for very long. We have a wedding & reception on April 4th, so I'm not sure what we're going to do for that. I'm just going to keep trying! (Funny: if I take a phone call when she is nursing, she will stop eating to look up & talk to me -- she thinks I am talking to her I guess!)

Hazel is starting to move into 6-12 month clothing. At her last doctor's visit (in Feb) she was 14 lbs 11.5 oz (75%), so she's a little ahead of the game, but not too much. It seems to me she's starting to lengthen out a bit and become more proportional, but maybe I'm imagining things.

She has started really laughing, and it's fun to see what will get her going. She's only really up for silly business, though, when she's really relaxed.

She seems to be amicable with almost anyone, and is quick to smile at anyone who smiles at her. I think her smile is absolutely amazing -- I'm sure this isn't the first time I've gone on about it. But it really is delightful, charming, gleeful... I mean, the girl is just HAPPY.

She does get unhappy from time to time. Mostly in the evenings in environments with too much stimulation. This doesn't bother me at all -- I suffer the same calamity. I know everyone says she looks just like Tory, but on the whole she really reminds me of me. I look back at my baby pictures, and the spirit seems identical.

It has been interesting to watch her relationship with Tory grow. He has a very different parenting style than I do (surprise, surprise), and at times I think that if I were a baby I wouldn't care for it. :) But she is so comfortable with him, and when he is in the room she watches him with awe & wonder. They cuddle a lot and I know Tory is looking forward to really introducing her to the outdoors when it gets just a bit nicer out.

Aaaannd she continues to lose hair after hair after hair. So I continue to buy hat after hat after hat. Vanity, thy name is motherhood.

We love her so much.

New Baby, Charlotte!

2009-03-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

A previous post, Brunches & Lunches featured one of my dear friends, Becca, on her due date. She had dear little Charlotte the following Sunday, and Hazel and I got a chance to drop by that week to visit. Charlotte had the sweetest little cry and would strike the cutest poses. It was funny -- when Charlotte would cry, Hazel would pout her lower lip and start to get sad as well. Here is a pic of all the lovely ladies together. Charlotte is so cute in the little onesie I stitched for her, and doesn't Becca look amazing?

And now Hazel is a superstar on the world wide web! Becca posted a few pictures of their playdate on her blog, so be sure to follow the link and check them out. They are gorgeous! We are blessed to have her as a friend, not just because she is a wonderful individual, but also because sometimes we end up in her amazing photographs. (wink, wink)

Little Hydrangea Head

2009-03-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went to my friend Timberly's wedding at the Nottoway Plantation just outside of Baton Rouge, LA. As the date drew nearer, Hazel was losing more and more hair. I decided she needed some kind of bonnet to wear with her pretty dress, but I didn't find anything that I thought was quite cute enough. So I made one! I think it turned out fabulous!!! Timberly used this blue-purple hydrangea in all of her wedding flowers, so Hazel fit the festivities to a tee. Timberly loved it, and we got a few professional pictures with the bride in her wedding dress, me in my bridesmaid dress, and Hazel in her blue bonnet -- all taken in the white ballroom of the mansion. Those will be online in a few weeks, and I will post a link to them then. For now, here is a slideshow of our little homestyle photo shoot.

Brunches & Lunches

2009-03-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has spent much R&R time with me probably knows that I LOVE going out to eat. I love it! Being served good food is such a respite from my everyday life of grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning up. And two of my favorite dining experiences (by far) are 1. BREAKFAST AT THE CLASSIC COOKIE and 2.THE CHOCOLATE BAG. It was such a treat this week to get to enjoy both.
Here we are at Classic Cookie. Hazel & I met Becca & Nicole there for some brunch. I love that they know us and they always welcome Hazel & shower her with affection. This visit was special because it was on Becca's actual due date. Doesn't she look radiant???!

And here we are having lunch with Grandma Pat & Aunt Julie. Grandma took us out for lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, McCormick & Schmick's. It was such a nice lunch, and was concluded with what I consider to be the most perfect desert in the world -- the Chocolate Bag. Damn....that thing is GOOD! Thank you, Grandma Pat!

Second Pretty Day in a Row...

2009-03-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

Finally! Nice weather!

2009-03-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

I'm going to have to make this a quickie, because it's SO nice outside & we've got to get out and enjoy it. Well, really, I just need to work in the yard which is kind of the same thing sometimes, but not always. I've gotten so bad about consistent blogging, and in the effort to discipline consistency, my plan is to just throw stuff up here quickly for awhile until I get in the habit. Once the habit comes, I'll go for quality again. Hope you guys don't mind.....

Here are a few from yesterday. It was her first really nice day outside, and she loved it. Loved the sun, the wind, the dog walking around her -- all of it. I just put her in her seat and carried her around the yard with me. I told her all about plants & why we were working. I also told her all about these fabulous little things called FLOWERS and how her life will change completely once she sees them.

There's a video in the new Video Bar (on the right side of your screen) from this same afternoon.

still a thumb-sucker...
funny face...
curious Nelson (aka Ratters)

Melting Meters

2009-02-19T17:19:00.001-08:00

Just a few weeks ago, I had a pining for some poetry. A quest to find a giant book of lilting meters came up with the Random House Book of Poetry for Children. In this blogger's humble opinion, this book should be a staple in every child's home. I love reading it to Hazel at bedtime. I think it's great for her to understand how melodic and beautiful words can be, and every once in awhile I stumble on one that absolutely melts me.

Two People

She reads the paper,
while he turns on TV;
she likes the mountains,
he craves the sea.

He'd rather drive
she'll take the plane;
he waits for sunshine;
she walks in the rain.

He gulps down cold drinks,
she sips at hot;
he asks, "Why go?"
She asks, "Why not?"

In just about everything
they disagree,
but they love one another
and they both love me.

Eve Merriam

I hope from the innermost part of me that when Hazel is older, she will identify with this poem in the same warm way I do.

The Bleakonomy Take on Vaccines

2009-02-17T15:43:00.000-08:00

If you're a person who ever has, or will have to think about vaccinating your child, read THIS. Seriously, whatever you end up deciding, you will at least get a kick out of reading it. Thank you, Dan! Love it!

Happy 4 Months, Hazel Jane!

2009-02-17T14:46:00.001-08:00

For those of you who actually read our posts here at the Bluebird, I apologize. It's been about a month since our last entry. I honestly don't even know what happened to the past month! Seems like time is flying exponentially fast.

Today Hazel is 4 months. Makes me think about her development & growth, and also about how my life has changed so much. None of this is unique -- I'm pretty sure it makes me just like every other mom out there! But I still do believe she's amazingly special -- the spark in her eye charms the hell out of me. I think back on her delivery and kind of want to do it again actually! Like riding a mechanical bull -- it was crazy & kind of hurt, but still exciting, and you think you could do better next time so you want to go again. I'm so thankful I had a positive birth experience. Ummm, and just for you annoying people that keep asking if we're going to have another one anytime soon, the above statement does NOT mean that we're getting on the wagon again!

Hazel has officially found her hands. Play time is so much more fun now that she loves to touch things and poke at them. She has a favorite little fuzzy/silky hanky that she loves to touch, and a stuffed/crinkly ladybug book that she will play with endlessly. This playful autonomy has led to more time in her swing or on the floor -- playing with stuff as opposed to just cuddling with me. I'd assert that we still probably interact more than the average mother/baby, but I'm just trying to make the investment in her becoming capable of self-entertaining. It gives me a bit of a guilt trip; I'm not quite used to having time to switch laundry, much less fold it. And it's weird because I've adjusted to tasking with one hand, and it seems like such a luxury to work with both. At the same time, it's still impossible to find time to do all the things I want to do like working out, learning spanish, cleaning adequately (and blogging). I'm glad we humans don't have litters -- I can't imagine caring for more than just her (well, her and Tory). What is that Angelina-wannabe in California thinking?!?!

Hazel can really coo up a storm. It's got to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. She also has started laughing, and laughs most at her dad. I've always struggled with being silly, so it's a bit of a learning experience for me -- trying to figure out dumb things to do to get that giggle to come out. She's also getting great at holding on when being held. She sleeps from about 8:30 to 8:30, often longer, and takes at least two good naps during the day. Her hair (sigh...) is definitely falling out, and I wonder if it will come back blonde like mine did. Her eyes are still very blue, and I kind of want to believe that they will stay that way.

Nursing is still going really well, and continues to be one of the most magical experiences of my life. With our dishwasher still broken, I may just nurse her forever to cut back on the dishes I have to wash by hand! Still planning to nurse for as long as it seems to work, up to a year. We'll try some cereal at 6 months...which unfortunately will mean dishes. Seriously -- there are just way better things to do than housework!

She's a bit of a chunker & quickly filling out her 3-6 month clothing. I hope she doesn't move to 6-12 month stuff too quickly as everything I have is for warm weather. Dressing her is still one of my favorite activities! I know, I know...that makes me lame & cheesy.

We sit at the piano almost every afternoon and play & sing songs. She seems to be getting the hang of it -- she starts making sounds and every once in awhile I will think I hit a wrong note only to look down & spot her fingers on the keys. I really hope that Tory & I can thoroughly show her the varying heritages we both come from, and hopefully she'll enjoy it all.

Our friend Steph brought over an excersaucer the other day, and Hazel has been loving it. I had to put an atlas in the bottom as her legs aren't quite long enough. She fell asleep in it the other day. I took a picture to go along with the encyclopedia of pictures I have of myself as a baby sleeping absolutely everywhere and anywhere. I can take myself to dreamland in just about any situation, but Tory always battles with sleep. I'm hoping her good sleep habits are foreshadowing of being a super-duper sleeper. That's definitely a Tummons gene, and a great talent to have if you ask me.

Speaking of genes, Tory started drilling me at 1am the other night about my grandparents and exetended family. Asking about height, weight, health problems, dispositions, etc. After awhile I asked why, and he said something about wanting to know what our future kids might be up for, genetically speaking. That guy is a nature guy for sure! (...in the whole nature/nurture world, that is.)

Well, Hazel is waking up & I've officially spent all my free time on the computer today. Guess Tory's shirts will have to wait until the next nap to get ironed. She is looking a bit woozy today with her Tylenol-buzz. Pretty funny. But it's better than the post-vaccine fever that was causing her so much misery.

What's Up, Doc?

2009-02-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took Hazel in for her 4 month check up. She is 14 lbs 11.5 oz, 25.5", and has a 16.5" head. That makes her average-noggened, a little tall, and more than a little chubby. But overall, normal & healthy.

Going to the doctor is seldom a flippant or casual exchange. First of all, it's almost always preceded by some sort of calamity, which always flavors any interaction. The exception here is some of the prenatal care visits. Mine became so routine & boring I wondered why we were even going. But those visits were really nice for one reason: it gave me a chance to take note of how the office actually ran. I got to see Nurse Susan & Nurse Melissa actually talking to other patients on the phone as I passed them in the office. I've been on the other end of that line before, and I really had never made the connection that they were real people working with my doctor. I also started to understand that the medical business is just that -- a business. And just like any other business, everything has a cost associated with it.

Consequently, I started hoping that I was never that patient that took too much time (the doc's time being the cost). I imagined sessions around the Krispy Kreme box, with nurses & docs & lab techs all dishing on which patients were high maintenance. My ever-resurfacing need to be liked rose and inspired me to be easy & prepared; never asking too many questions or needing more time. This worked as long as I stayed healthy and felt sane. This approach, however, is really hard when your baby has been crying for way to long and you're dealing with post-partum hormone re-regulations and you just want some freaking answers. But still, I kept it cool, even if it meant settling. Because I just really didn't want to be that patient. I wanted to be liked. So much so, that after I would get off a 10 minute call with the nurse, I would seriously consider sending her flowers with a note saying something like, "Thanks again for the time you spent with me yesterday. We love you! You're the best!" Even though it wasn't that great (usually even a bit disappointing), but maybe if she liked me best she would do better next time. Sheesh! That's pathetic! But anyway, back to the present...

Yesterday I felt pretty rushed. My doc spent about 5 minutes with Hazel & I, remarking on her great trunk control and asking if she slept through the night. There were about 10 seconds spent on vaccines. She looks at Hazel, punches some things in the computer, and closes the file at her waist like she's ready to walk out the door. Seriously? I'm sure there are other cases in other rooms that are way more serious than a healthy baby (obviously), but can you tone down the body language a bit? I want her to see a lot of patients, and for her business to make good money so she can pay off those ginormous school loans. I want her to feel like she helped as many people as she could, and I want her to feel successful and make a lot of money. But not if it means that she hurries me out the door. ... ... After taking a breath, the bottom line is that I really do trust my doctor to care for us, and while she may miss small things here & there that cause us annoying discomfort, I do trust her with our lives. Gross issues, she's great; fine issues, she seems indifferent. I'm sure this works well for experienced moms who rely less on their physician's direction.

I left the appointment with a feeling of deja vu..... When had I felt this emotion before? (thinking, thinking, thinking....) Oh yeah -- it's the same feeling I had while dating! When you're dating a guy, and he's ok but not great. But you're not sure if you want to break up with him, because what if you don't find anything better? I kind of want to break up with my doctor! One time my doctor was gone, and I had to go to another doc -- her own pediatrician actually. And I LOVED that doctor! She was great, and I left feeling reassured and confident that I could handle whatever came next. (That was 4 days after I had Hazel, and if someone made me feel that ok under the duress of the cocktail of hormones I had in my system, then you know she was good!) But how can you leave your doctor for her doctor? They're both in the same company...you know it would get around. And really, my doctor is not that bad... It's hard because we have history, and you hate to ditch that. Even if it's not an A+ history.

Yesterday Hazel started running a pretty high temp. She was inconsolable -- just seemed miserable, absolutely miserable. It was after-hours, and not wanting to page a doctor I called Ask-A-Nurse. I've had great success with them in the past. I reached a nurse who was WONDERFUL. She took her time & went over all sorts of things with me. The best way to take a temp, what varying temperatures mean, when to be concerned, how long the temp should stick around, when and how to go about bringing it down -- all kinds of things. Also went over other symptoms of vaccines that I could expect. She said, "Didn't your doctor tell you any of this?" She asked if I had any questions, and waited patiently for me to think about things. I felt like she was actually in the room, holding Hazel & putting her hand on my shoulder. She was my favorite kind of professional -- a teacher. My HVAC guy has come by to check on our unit several times this summer. I love him because he shines his little flashlight all over our ductwork in the crawlspace telling me what is what, how it works, and what to look for in the future as signs of success or trouble. This is what I want in a professional, and it's just odd to me that I found it in Ask-A-Nurse, and not at all in my doctor.

I wonder whether all of this processing is just a result of me overthinking things (as usual), or if this is a process normal people go through. And I also wonder if doctors know this kind of thing happens with their patients, and whether they even care. I wish we could all have a forum of doctors teaching patients how to be better patients, and patients teaching doctors how to be better doctors. Seriously, I think a clinic should host it every year, and if you want to be a part of their service you have to attend. Seems like everyone could benefit and the whole shebang would operate more efficiently. And efficiency is great for the bottom line, right?

I recently rediscovered an old acquaintance on facebook. He's now a pediatrician in Maine -- also a passionate blogger (http://bleakonomy.blogspot.com). A few of his entries have just made me think about this topic more and more today. I want to be respectful of my doctor and the relationship we have cultivated so far. However, I want to be a student & proficient executor of the health of my child. And I'm not sure that those two desires go together. I don't know...I'm torn. We have our six month check up in April, so it is my goal to reach a decision by then.

And after re-reading my post, it kind of annoys me that I'm being so emotional. That so much feeling goes into a decision that probably should be 99.9% logic. Tory would approach it that way. He would just scrap the mediocre relationship & move on. But then again, he's not the one who would have to go through the pain of finding a new doctor, which is about as much fun as finding a new church.

1..2..3..Months Old!

2009-01-20T14:30:00.000-08:00

The post is a little late, but I thought I'd note that Hazel just passed the 3 month mark (17th). Happy Birthday, Hazel Jane! Awhile back I thought it'd be great to take a picture in the same place each month on her "birthday" (not an original idea) to watch how she grows. I didn't see much with just 2 pictures, but now adding the third you can really see how she's getting bigger! The task is much more daunting than I thought it would be. It's pretty difficult to get her to sit up and sit still -- and even more difficult to snap a decent expression. There are lots of smiles to chose from, but my camera & I never seem to get it quite right. Oh well, the point is to watch the growth, we'll have other pictures to capture the beauty. Take a look ---

1 Month Old...

2 Months... and 3 Months!

I think I see it mostly in her chubby thighs, but also height & head -- she's just getting bigger all over! This is probably just as amazing as watching grass grow to most -- of course, all babies grow -- but it's amazing to me to watch my baby grow. Like she won an Oscar or something.

The third month has brought joy after joy. She laughs now. She loves watching me motorboat my lips -- finds it hilarious. And tries it herself sometimes, too, mostly resulting in spit bubbles. She woke up the other morning and I guess had discovered her tongue; she just wanted to move it around and in and out for a few days. She's over that now, thank goodness. She rolled over at 2 1/2 months, but we've already talked about that. She loves to play on her belly, and when she gets tired she turns to her back to play. Still loves to look in the mirror and at her mobile, and is getting used to some new "friends" she got for Christmas. (I call her toys "friends", it makes me feel less bad when I let her play with them and go do something else.) Two of her favorites are her play gym & her play tv. I also got her a Kickin' Coaster, and she loves it. I would very highly recommend that seat. She can push herself up and down, and it lights up when she kicks hard enough. Very good for muscle development, and way better than a seat you just passively sit in.

I'm a huge fan of her new schedule. I nurse her & tuck her in her crib around 9:30 or 10pm, and she sleeps until about 7:30am! Sometimes she cries when I put her down, but she is usually over it and konked out within 30 minutes. I like to think that the Bedtime With the Beatles music helps. She takes 1-2 naps during the day, but I haven't found much consistency with her naps yet. If she starts to get really cranky & red around the eyes, it's into the crib to cry to sleep, and she's been doing very well with that method.

I worked out for the first time the other day. My sister got me the Gold's Gym resistance workout kit for Christmas, and it is truly incredible. I don't think I'll ever go to a gym again! Hopefully I'll be back to my old weight soon -- only 7 pounds to go, but they are sure being stubborn. We also did Itsy Bitsy Yoga (for mother & baby) the other day. I almost couldn't finish the dvd because it was getting so cheesy, but every time I thought about stopping, Hazel would crack up like she was having so much fun, so I continued. I think we'll learn the routine & then do it without the sappy instructor.

Hazel & Tory have started to develop more of a relationship as well. It's neat to see her comforted by his deep loud voice & big hands; so different from my approach. It's so sweet to know she can appreciate a wide spectrum of affection.

She goes through several outfits a day now -- with all the drooling, spitting up, and major blow outs, it's just inevitable. I don't mind, really. She's got so many cute clothes and I love to see her in all of them. She grows out of things so fast right now, it's probably the only chance she has of getting to wear everything in her closet!

She is still nursing really well, and I am so thankful for the success we've had in that department. I LOVE nursing. It's such a bonding experience, and I love knowing that she is getting good nutrition. I'm also super glad I don't have to wash bottles & endure all the inconvenience that goes with formula. Our dishwasher still doesn't work. I hope to nurse at least until she is 6 months old, and maybe for a year if we can, but we'll see how it all works out.

Hazel is really such a joy. She is quick to smile and just makes the most beautiful sounds. I really love her disposition, and am thankful to have been blessed with such a breezy baby for my first. I know I'm completely biased, but I just think there is something really special about her -- a spark in her eyes that you don't see in every baby. Yes, I'm in love. Unabashedly in love.

Daisy-o-Daisy

2009-01-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Thought I would blog about another baby today. This is DAISY.
For you regular bluebird readers you may remember her from a posting last fall. Tory brought her home as a pup about a week before we had Hazel. I kind of think of her as "the other woman"... I've never really been a Daisy fan. I couldn't object, because since I've known Tory, I've invited 4 cats & 3 dogs into our lives without consulting him about it at all. So when he finally wanted "his own" dog, I couldn't really say no -- even though I was about to birth a child.

You may remember Charlie, the chocolate love of my life that passed away right after we got married in 07. Part of the reason I haven't liked Daisy is that I feel like she's supposed to be a replacement for him, and that just makes me want to vomit. Like that's even remotely possible. Tory says I've idolized Charlie after death, and I'm sure that's partly true. But he really was amazing, and he was mine. (And that has a lot of value when everything suddenly becomes "ours"...)

I got Charlie at a time in my life when I was available to spend a lot of time with him and train him. That, combined with getting to run off a ton of energy at the farm with Tory everyday, made for a very well behaved dog. And he just knew me in such a wonderful way. I loved being known. He was also what I believe to be the most attractive dog ever. When someone says "dog" I have always, and still do picture a brown, block-headed, short-coated dog. Just plain and strong and beautifully brown. I've never really cared for multi-colored or long haired breeds. Ick.

When Velda went into heat last year (she's the yellow lab below), Tory tried to mate her with Bear (a very regal and strong chow mix from the Olathe farm). I probably would have welcomed this offspring, even though their coats would have been a bit long. But when the pups came out, it was clear that the little bitch whored around a little before Bear got to her. Because all the pups were obviously Pablo's (the black dog below).

Pablo has a lot of fans out there (most of Tory's family loves him), but I have NEVER been one. The dog just bugs me. He jumps like crazy, which I think is completely unacceptable. And he just has this funny energy about him... I don't know. He doesn't know how to mind, and I just don't get the appeal on any level. I will say the dog can run fast. Probably even faster than Charlie (that statement shows I have retained some degree of objectivity). But he's so hairy and jumpy and just ... ick. So there's another strike against Daisy.

By the time I shell out love to Hazel, and to Nelson (the scruffy pup above), and to Chin (my cat), there's just hardly any left for Daisy. And I didn't even mention Tory in that list -- he needs love to. And what about myself? Always passed over these days. Daisy is a puppy -- into everything and lots of energy. She's just challenging for me to love. Really challenging.

But I have realized this past week that she is the dog that Hazel will grow up with. I mean, there's Nelson too, but he's a terrier and not much of a cuddle-bug. There is a chance that Hazel & Daisy could develop a beautiful relationship of knowing and being known. So I've decided I need to invest some of myself in this dog for that very possibility. She does have a sweet heart, I can tell that already, she just needs "rules, boundaries, and limitations" as Cesar Milan would say. I can't have my Charlie back, but there's a chance Hazel could have a shot at the same kind of love, so here goes.

Daisy, come here honey. Let's spend 30 minutes trying to teach you how to hold still.

Twenty Little Piggies

2009-01-14T21:13:00.000-08:00

This is special to me. Very precious. Morning wake-up & play in pajamas time. She's going to be walking in no time.

Some pretty morning pics

2009-01-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

Hazel Rolls Over!

2009-01-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

Hazel rolled over from front to back for the first time on January 6th, at the young age of 2 1/2 months. Way to go! Here's a video of one of her stunning performances. (Turn your sound down unless you want to hear my super cheesy stage-mom voice.) Watch for the victorious fist pump at the end.

One of my favorites...

2009-01-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

More Onesies for New Babies of Old Friends

2009-01-11T18:03:00.000-08:00

Today Hazel went to one of her first & finest girl parties. Our dear friend Becca (www.wirkenphoto.com) is expecting a little girl, and Hazel & I have been so excited! Well, ok, Hazel doesn't realize it yet, but give her a few years & I think she'll be great pals with the little Spears just like I am with Mama Spears. I don't have any pics of the party, my hands were busy enough with baby & the most delectable pastries you've ever seen. Becca rented out Natasha's Mulberry & Mott down at Mission Farms for a Marie Antoinette Tea Party themed baby shower. It was a beautiful party, and Hazel & I were so happy to go.
Over the summer I copied my mother's hobby and started embroidering. I really love it. I haven't had a creative outlet for quite awhile, so it was nice to experience that again. (I was crazy craft girl in high school...) I made quite a few onesies for Hazel that turned out really well. (I posted pictures of those last fall.) Here are the two I made for Becca's little darling.

I'm never sure whether it's appropriate to complement your own handiwork, but I'll go ahead this time and just say that I LOVE this owl. I was so proud of it. It was actually kind of complicated & took me longer than any I've made so far (which is only like 7, but still). You can't see in this picture, but the branch wraps around the side. I used several different types of stitching to hopefully give the lines different textures, and I used several different colors of thread in the eyes to give it a little more dimension. There isn't a lot out there right now on interesting embroidery technique, so I'm kind of making stuff up as I go. Anyway, I love it, and I think Becca does too.

Christmas... Just Us

2009-01-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

I think this is my favorite picture from Christmas, and it doesn't even have Hazel in it! The weekend after Christmas, Tory & I had our holiday celebration. We always have crab legs, and this year we added lemon roasted potatoes, "red lobster" biscuits, and caesar salad. Finish it off with some angel food cake with berries & whipped cream, and it's about the best meal I can imagine. It felt so good to just take time & cook and not have anyone else around. Also felt good to polish off a good bottle of wine. After a few presents (he got me Spanish Rosetta Stone & a gift card to get a chiminea & truck load of pinon), we ended the night watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on the laptop in bed. So relaxed. So nice. More traditional holiday pics to come later, but I wanted to get this one up first.

Yeah, believe it. She's THAT cute.

2008-12-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

Nothing New...

2008-12-15T16:39:00.000-08:00

Though I know Tory would never go for it, I've always thought it'd be incredible to name a little boy SEVEN. Seven Schwope. I think it's got a great ring to it.

I was just watching Seinfeld (catching up on the last 20 years of great tv that I missed), and George Costanza wanted to name his child Seven! What?!? So much for original thought. I thought I was a genius.

Same thing happened to me about 3 months ago when I heard on npr that a musician titled his album The Shaming of the True. Which, ask my sister Em, was my idea like 5 years ago.

I swear, I'm being spied on.

Get a Grip!

2008-12-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

Look what we can do now!

I've given you pretty much only happy pictures of Hazel so far. Thought I'd round out your view of her a bit... She's just the Second-Happiest Baby on the Block.

Me

2008-12-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

The blog lately has been pretty much 100% Hazel. And it got me wondering whether I'll end up one of those moms who loses her identity because she's so wrapped up in her child's. I'm not sure...at this point I think it could go either way; I think more & more that it's just hard to predict how I will react to situations I've never been in before. Especially mom situations.

But I'm trying to stay away from mom topics in this blog entry...

So . . . um. ...yeah... It's pretty hard to switch gears & not talk about ANY mom things. But I'll try.

I have an Old Navy card. For those of you in the family, you know that this card is good at Gap, ON, Banana Republic, and Piper Lime. For every $100 I spend, I receive a $10 gift card in the mail. I also receive lots of great coupons. I have discovered something wonderful recently. I found out that I can redeem these online AND at the store. It's a flaw in the system! Super sneaky!!!

- - -

I'd like to come out to the world now; I'm tired of living a lie. I am NOT a good housekeeper. And if you have an idea in your mind of what a bad housekeeper is, think of a worse one and that's probably more like me. In my opinion, the majority of my friends have immaculate homes. I would eat off their floors. (Well, really, I would eat off my own floor, but that's just because my threshold for grossness is higher than most -- thus, my bad housekeeping.) I try to pretend by picking up before people get here, but I know the really good housekeepers can see through it.

I realize that it's all relative. There are some out there that would consider me a good housekeeper. And in my own defense, 90% of the mess and grime is not my own. My husband is dirty & hairy. I should call him Dirty Harry. The dogs are also dirty & hairy. The cat has on his winter coat and leaves the evidence wherever he wants. And then there is the house itself, which is my nemesis.

The house is bad because it is old, and because there isn't a person who takes responsibility for its annual maintenance. (There's only so much I can do...) So there are holes from old age, and holes from woodpeckers -- invitations for squatters galore. Some previously loathed visitors include mice, chipmunks, squirrels & raccoons -- yes, all in my home. And now that it's cold I wonder if they'll be back.

But by far my least favorite are the Camel Crickets. Also known as Cellar Crickets, they love the humidity of basements and have formed a colony in our crawl space, which is adjacent to our basement in this split-level home. These boogers are creepy. They look more like grasshoppers, and they can jump as high as your head. Makes them really hard to kill. The creepiest thing about them is that they are always, always facing you. You never see one from the side or the back, you only ever see them from the front. When I do have the luck of getting one with the broom, the pleasure is almost... well, I'll keep this g-rated. It's quite a release because I have such a deep hatred for them.

The switch for our kitchen light has been out since we brought Hazel home from the hospital. I wish it would get fixed.

All of this & more gets under my skin & goes to my core. I wish I had a sweet maid named Mary or Bess or Helga that would just love on me and help me keep things neat. Even though tidyness is not the most important thing in the world to me, it would be quite a luxury. Helga is my Christmas wish to Santa. It would be so wonderful, so dreamy. But I suppose for now, my dust-free clutter-free bug-free home will have to stay in fictionland with Helga and Santa. Back to reality & my baby who just woke up...

The FIRst Tree

2008-12-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

It was wonderful -- We went & got a Christmas tree yesterday! I still have yet to find an extra minute to decorate it, but the experience was priceless.

Thanksgiving with the Tummons Family

2008-12-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

This is, as dear-ol-dad would say, "The Whole Fam-Damily"
Suz, Solomon, Emily, & Hazel

Great Aunt Pat & Hazel

Me & Hazel, the way we spend 25% of our lives right now

In the dress her Gramma Jane got her

Daddy & Hazel (check out the boots!)

Hazel Jane with her turkey-tee

One Month Old!

2008-11-29T17:11:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pics taken on Hazel's one month birthday (Nov. 17th).

If you've never met my husband, here's a spot-on likeness (above). She looks like him quite a bit with her face relaxed, but when she starts yawning or grimacing you'd better watch out -- the likeness gets pretty freaky. Although, I will say that she is looking more & more like my baby pictures.

The first month flew by. I remember my newly-momed sister saying a few months ago, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I can certainly see after just a month how true that statement may become. Seems like just yesterday she was in my belly, though it seemed like she was in there for years.

She's grown from 7lbs 2oz to 9lbs 8oz, which is still smaller than the 9lbs 12oz I was when I was born. People still stop me and comment on how small she is, but she seems huge to me now. I've already had to put some outfits away because she's outgrown them. She's a wiry little booger and moves when gusto when she wants to. Her neck is pretty strong already.

The first month included her first real smile, sucking her thumb, her first trip out of town, her first cold, and many other firsts. My favorite sound she makes is when she inhales like she's going to sneeze, but then doesn't, and exhales with the sweetest little sigh-song you've ever heard. Most of the time when she smiles, she only does a coy half-smile bit, but every once in awhile her whole face will explode into a huge grin.

I've heard some babies aren't much on cuddling, but this one is a die-hard cuddle bug. She loves to be close & warm. Baths are getting more & more efficient, and as long as I keep her from getting cold she's happy. Loves it best when I get the shower head going really warm & just make it rain on her. We're getting into somewhat of a routine, but it's easily derailed by errands or bouts of serious gas.

She's started "playing" more -- looking at toys or her mobile. She's becoming a pro at tummy-time & sitting up in her bumbo chair. She loves to just look around at things, so we walk through the house & look, and I wear her when I cook dinner so she can watch. There is a mirror right by her changing pad, and she loves to look at herself when I change her. It's taken me a few weeks to even start figuring out her different cries, but I think I've started understanding them more.

I feel like I should have gone to school for this -- like every mom should have to go through a course before conceiving. Seems like there is so much to know, and a lot of times I feel very underqualified about the technical stuff. But I do know one thing -- I love her the most & she loves me the most. And that's a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

Online at last

2008-11-29T17:08:00.000-08:00

.....aaaaand, I'm back.

Sorry for any of you viewers who were actually looking for some blurbs from me or some pics of Hazel -- we've been without internet for a few weeks now. But Tory just brought home a Verizon card to replace our Sprint one, so hopefully we'll be better than ever now!

More to come soon....

New Toys!

2008-11-12T14:21:00.000-08:00

It appears that vision has progressed from a mere 8-12" to a bit more. I had been noticing how Hazel was starting to get the hang of tracking things, and she had started keeping her eyes open for longer periods at a time. And then I realized -- I didn't really have anything for her to look at! I had one toy, a mirror with stripes & patterns around it, that she loved, but that was pretty much it. I had pretty much maxed out on every baby-stuff category, except for toys.

So off we headed to Babies 'R Us with a great giftcard from one of Tory's drivers, Dwight. (Thank you Dwight!)

First on the list was a mobile. Not one of those ones that adults like, or one that matches the room -- an obnoxious looking one that she will really enjoy. We also got 4 other small toys, that's not too many, right? My favorite is a handpuppet that has a different farm animal on every finger. It's to use as a prop while singing Old MacDonald Had a Farm. I think that is going to be super fun, but I'm just cheesy like that. Hopefully Hazel got my cheesy gene & we can enjoy that stuff together.

Pretty Small Girl on a Pretty Fall Day

2008-11-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

note the cute smile, killer curls, and ... middle finger

Weston Bend State Park

2008-11-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (Sunday) we decided to head up to Weston Bend State Park. For those of you that haven't been there, and that live in KC, you MUST go! It's just wonderful this time of year. It's about a 45 minute drive north of the city, and well worth it. The weekend before Hazel came, we made it up to Weston Red Barn Farm, which is also a delectable place. Usually we hike the beautiful bluff trail, but this time we kept it simple with the river trail since we had Hazel. We got to break in her new stroller though, the Bob, and boy... that's a nice piece of equipment! She loves it.
We got a little too far away from the car, though, and it was time to eat. No benches or privacy or anything, so I just had to sit on the side of the trail and nurse her. Would have been just fine, except there were ladybugs everywhere so I was busy trying to keep us from getting buggered. This is me puzzled & trying to figure out how I'm going to make it work...

Two years ago, around this same time (the last weekend in October), we took a trip up to WBSP. It was a fun camping weekend for us, that ended in Tory asking me to marry him on his childhood walnut tree farm in Oak Grove, MO. While I do love our little Hazelnut companion we took this time, I can't help but also remember another anniversary and miss our Chocolate companion as well.

Last year, also on the last weekend in October, we suddenly & unexpectedly lost our dog (and my heart) Charlie. He was just the absolute best, and I still miss him deeply. I wish that he would have gotten to meet Hazel, and that Hazel would have gotten to grow up with him. And selfishly, I just miss him for myself as well. He always knew me unlike anyone (thing) else. He is buried at the Oak Grove farm, not far from where Tory proposed.

Bathtime

2008-11-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

So far Hazel has had 3 baths. Fortunately, I'm way more talented at bathing myself than I am at bathing her, so I've had at least a few more than 3 in the past two weeks. But I won't say exactly how many.....

Our first bath was in a special baby bathing tub in the bathroom upstairs. Not so successful. Babies should come with a sign when they're born -- "VERY slippery when wet". I mean, I guess it was successful -- she got clean. But my back & my nerves said otherwise.

So the subsequent attempts have been the old fashioned way -- on a towell on the kitchen counter. MUCH better! Yes, she's making some unhappy faces, but they didn't last for long. For the most part, she was very okay with being bathed, and so was I.

Tomorrow is going to be our 4th. It was going to be today, but we just weren't up for it after our big day yesterday. I mean, how dirty can a baby get anyway? Her hair & face & rear do get washed multiple times per day. The face & rear for obvious reasons. The hair because otherwise it starts to look like Dapper Dan got ahold of it. Also because when I get it wet it curls up, and I love that!

Happy Teeny Halloweeny

2008-10-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

Here we are at 2 weeks old on Halloween. Hazel is celebrating with pumpkin-esque diapers, spooky smells, and some midnight howling...

She's Here!

2008-10-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hazel Jane Schwope

October 17, 2008

4:00 pm

7lbs 2 oz, 19"

psst...

2008-10-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, we got a new camera. And I met a butterfly. And then introduced the camera to the butterfly. Welcome, everyone.

Thank you, Diana & Lin!

2008-10-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

I recently received a suh-weet gift from my aunt & cousin in New York City. Included was this shirt. Obviously, it's not quite meant for the 9th month, but I LOVE what it says! At first I didn't even see the planet, didn't realize it was an earthy shirt. I just thought it was a great proclamation of authority. Now I realize that it's not quite as literal as I first interpreted, but I still may choose to read it that way. Great choice, Diana. Great choice, Lin. I love it.

Benefit for TLC

2008-10-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

Some friends treated us & took us as guests to the annual fundraiser for TLC, an organization in KC that works with troubled kids & kids in foster care. I found out about this about 30 minutes before it started -- sweet! We were late, but it was fun. They raised a ton of money. I was so happy to see the free food as I have really hated cooking lately.

I got several compliments on my dress. I suppose they came out of the hypnosis that the concave pattern seemed to cause folks. It's one of those dresses I bought about 2 years ago thinking, "this would be really comfortable, especially if I were pregnant." Sure enough -- I was right. Only downside is that it really had to be worn with heels, which are never remotely comfortable while pregnant. At least not this late in the game.

Funniest moment of the night was when the stranger across the table started making small talk and asked me, "Do you know what you're having?" Tory reached & put his hand on my belly and responded, "We're having a basketball, can't you tell?" This was really funny for a few reasons. First was the obvious nature of the joke, yes, my belly looks quite like a basketball sometimes. Second was the fact that Tory does not make small talk, especially with people he does not know & will most likely never see again. Third was that he does not touch my belly in public (which I appreciate). All this summed to quite a funny moment, almost enough for me to accidentally wet myself. Almost.

Meet Daisy

2008-10-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Tory really, really wanted a dog. A big dog. A dog to go to the farm with him everyday. While Nelson would love to step in and fill these shoes (paws), his terrier physique just doesn't do anything for Tory's lumberjack image. So Tory let Velda have another litter of puppies and brought one home a week or so ago.

Much to my amazement, he named her DAISY. To my further amazement, she's actually a pretty good dog and I kind of enjoy having her around. Here is a pic of us when I went out to the farm to meet her for the first time.

The funny thing is, in the morning when Tory is getting ready to go, Nelson won't leave his side. When he starts to put his boots on, Nelson starts running in circles. You can see the hope in his eyes -- "Please take me, please take me, please take me!" He loves going to the farm. And Daisy will find me and sit at my feet or follow me around, not wanting to leave. So then we have to separate & carry them to their respective places of employment: Nelson to the house, Daisy to the farm. Nelson has been spending everyday since Daisy came home in a sulk -- just waiting for the rest of the family to get home. Sadistic as it is, I find it hilarious.

Masonic Stumper

2008-10-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

The JB Big Band had a gig Sept. 20 in Columbia. The Masons (the Truman Club to be specific) invited us for the 3rd year in a row to play for their awards banquet. These folks are great -- they get super dressed up, seem very happy to be together, get a kick out of honoring each other -- AND they drink and dance, which usually means the most to me. The best audiences seem to always include those two activities.

It has taken me 3 years to finally figure out this phrase they always say in their awards presentations. I suppose I could have looked it up long ago, but I wasn't quite that intrigued. They use a title before each other's names that sounds like "Orsheln" or "Michelin", I just thought it was some weird ancient secret language I wasn't supposed to understand. And maybe they would even have me killed if I asked. I mean, they are all very nice, but I've watched the history channel specials on the Masons -- you don't mess around.

But I did figure it out this year. It is Right Worshipful Brother. What a mouthful -- say it fast and all together. Fun. Just take your gum out first, I don't want you to accidentally choke & die.

Here is a pic of me after the gig:

Like Mother, Like Father

2008-09-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

32 Weeks!

2008-09-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here we are approaching D-Day, and even after the past 31 weeks, I still have a hard time believing it's all actually happening. All the new gifts & gear contribute to the excitement for sure, but there are also some definite nerves involved. Not sure if there's more apprehension about the delivery, being a mom, or any potential changes in our marriage. But I'm just trusting natural instinct and hopefully any intuition my parents gave me to help us get by.

Smiling in pictures is pretty embarrassing -- you wouldn't believe how small my eyes get & how big my cheeks get. So we'll probably have to make do with the closed-mouth grin from here on out. I think laughter should be safe again after about 5 or 6 weeks post-birth.

Don't have too many problems with the ankles that seem to terrorize others (thank you, Mom for the good genes!), but you should see my hands sometimes! My veins pop so far out of my skin (about 1/8-1/4") that I look like I belong in a nursing home.

The chilly spell is wonderful. This is when I just can't get enough of the outside air. So I've started walking everyday, which is rejeuvinating for me and thrilling for Nelson. But it also sure makes me miss Charlie.

I've gotten most of the gifts from the shower put away, and am now working on just making sure everything is organized intelligently. Also have ordered many kids cd's and am getting those loaded on my ipod. I had to spend quite a bit of time listening to stuff to find non-cheesy non-electronic lullabies. Why James Taylor, Jack Johnson, and Sarah McLachlan don't have a lullaby cd is something I'll never understand.

Tory & I have a class this Saturday to hopefully educate ourselves so we have half an idea of what goes on during labor. Will give a full report afterwards. For now, I'm off to cataloging baby gear manuals.

Onesies!

2008-09-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've kept my fingers busy lately! I got a random inspiration to embroider onesies. I thought it would be a simple trip to Hobby Lobby or Michael's for patterns to get started, but boy was I wrong. The only thing I could find in town was old-fashioned pictures of lighthouses, eagles, or praying hands -- not the sugar & spice & everything nice I was hoping for.

Then I looked online awhile and found this great little shop down in Austin, TX, "Sublime Stitching." Thier tagline is Not your Grandmas embroidery! so I knew it had to be good. I ordered some patterns and got started. This is what I've completed so far. Haven't decided on a favorite yet -- I love them all!

26 Weeks

2008-07-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, All.

Beth, here, at 26 or so weeks.

The little gal inside is almost 2 pounds at this point and around 14 inches. They tell me she can hear pretty well at this point, can tell whether the lights outside are on or off, and is developing more regular sleep patterns. She's practicing the movements of breathing, and is also now able to open & close her eyes. I wonder what she thinks of the place.

Hands and feet are very active & may respond to touch at this point. I wonder if that is what's happening sometimes. She'll be kicking up a storm -- where my belly looks like a jumping frog in a water balloon -- but then if I put my hand on it, she will stop moving. Wouldn't it be great if that trick worked for the rest of our lives...

I just read that her feet are 2 inches long. Inconceivable! Can you imagine? No way......

I asked Tory to take me out last night. With all this work around the house & outside, I haven't been able to wear some of my super cute new clothes. Not that that was the whole reason for going out, but I have to admit that was a pretty big part of it. :) Given the fact that I was actually wearing make-up & had my hair down, I thought I'd better seize the moment & get a picture. The first one I tried to take of myself, the second is one I bribed Tory to take. (While he was mumbling about me correcting my retarded posture.)

If you can't tell from the above pictures, I find photos just a bit awkward these days. I've gained 9 pounds so far, which is pretty low for almost 27 weeks, but is still 9 pounds I'm not quite used to yet.

The Lame Schmuck

2008-07-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

I've been getting a fair share of lectures about not blogging lately. It's been about 10 weeks I guess. So here is a little explanation if it helps any --

I'M NESTING LIKE CRAZY!

At first it was just an avoidance of our computer because of the time factor. (It takes about 10 minutes for a picture to load to the blog.) And I just don't have much patience for sitting around like that -- especially when the nesting bug hit. I've been keeping really busy with the house, the yard, and the garden and it feels great. We also went on a 10 day vacation to Maine, and then my sister & nephew and I went on a little vacation to our parents home in Rolla. If I can keep the blogging up (now that I'm back), I'll post some of the favorites from the trips.

My mom came up for about a week after we went to Rolla and helped me immensely. We painted a few rooms and moved all kinds of stuff around. For about 5 days we were intense in our pursuit to get things done. Tory was out of town which made it even easier. THANK YOU, MOM! There is no way I could have even handled the mental enormity of the task, much less the physical, without that help.

I've kept the momentum from her visit and proceeded to redo the bathroom. Yet to come is the hallway, basement, and upstairs bath. Then if I have any energy left, the two guest rooms. But we'll see how far I get.

Sorry to all who were checking the blog and coming up disappointed. I will try to be more diligent. But please, if you check it, leave me a comment or something so I know that someone is out there reading. It provides great incentive to keep it up!

Sweet Corn!

2008-07-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday morning was our first big picking of sweet corn. Pop did most the picking, and I was the "runner" -- exchanging his full bucket for an empty one and taking the corn back to fill up trash bags. I'm still not sure who got the better end of that deal. :) In a matter of two or so hours, we had seven trash bags full. I piled them all in the back of my Matrix & headed home. We picked about 1/3 of the corn that day, so there is still lots more to come.

I had commitments Saturday afternoon & evening, and I knew I wouldn't get a chance to freeze the corn until Sunday, so it all went to the cool basement. Perfect spot. Made me a little thankful the basement flooded last year -- now we have one of those air conditioned spaces you can trash and then clean up.

Sunday morning the process began. First step was to clean up all the corn. Some call this shucking, some call this husking. I'm more of a shucker of the husk I suppose. My two life-savers Nicole & Jess came over, and we made a good time of it. Thank heaven for rubber gloves!!!! Without them, I am usually timid and inhibited when it comes to pulling the husk away -- you just never know if you're going to impale a worm or get your finger in his poop trail. But with the gloves there are no worries and it goes much faster. That whole process took us from about noon to 4 or 5pm. Good times.

So by 5 pm, half the counters in my kitchen were piled high with sweet corn and the bulk of the work was still to come. Next call was to Pat, my mother-in-law, who is a seasoned corn-freezer. In fact, when she was 9 months pregnant with my brother-in-law Cody (3 days before she gave birth), she was taking her trays of corn down to the freezer, and fell and broke her leg! Talk about bum luck!

Pat came over & led the remaining troops of Nicole & myself. Nicole stood at the sink & washed the corn with a brush, making sure to get rid of all the silks she could. Those nasty, nasty silks... Then they got passed to Pat & I, who cut the kernels off the cob and into a skillet. Pat likes to hold her cob in one hand at an angle & cut them off that way. Which is how I used to do it -- but I was always slow and inhibited by the thought of slicing right through my thumb muscle. But she taught me a new trick that she got out of a catalog.

The trick is to use a bundt pan. You stick the tip of the cob in the middle hole, and then scrape the kernels into the pan. This is genius!!!!! It goes so much faster (and safer) this way. Pat was reluctant to use this method after spending her whole life doing it one way, but as a newbie, I'm embracing it fully.

After getting the kernels off, they get boiled with a little sugar & water for just a few minutes. Then cooled, then bagged, tagged & frozen. The result is a freezer shelf full of yellow loveliness and the reassuring feeling that for the next year or so, as long as you can afford your electric bill, you will not grow hungry. Whew! Thank you Pop, Pat, Nicole, and Jess!

2008-06-05T19:46:00.001-07:00

GIRL!

Fruit for Thought at Week 16

2008-05-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

16 weeks now.

I said before that my appetite was back, but that was premature. I was kind of just expecting it to come back, so I just said that. But it didn't come. Sick again. Until yesterday!

I ate everything I wanted whenever I wanted for the first time in months. I gave myself one day of that gluttony. One day later, I am trying to think more about fruits & veggies, but that first day was really nice.

Speaking of food... They tell me now that the kid is about the size of an avacado. ("They" being the geniuses on the world wide web.)

They also tell me that the home I've created for it is better than the size of a cantaloupe.

I think they were just trying to find a way to use the two hardest produce items to spell in the same paragraph... Here are some other things they say.

At 4 1/2 inches long (head to bottom) and 3 1/2 ounces, your babyis about the size of an avacado. In the next three weeks, she'll go through a tremendous growth spurt, though, doubling her weight and adding inches to her length. Her lower limbs are much more developed now. Her head is more erect than it has been, and her eyes have moved toward the front of her head. Your baby's ears are close to their final position, too. Some of her more advanced body systems are working, including her circulatory system and urinary tract. Her heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, circulating her total blood volume through her body many times. (By the end of the pregnancy, this will increase to about 190 quarts.) The patterning of her scalp has begun, though her hair isn't recognizable yet. Although closed, her eyes are moving (slowly), and she's even started growing toenails.

The Bump Begins

2008-05-13T16:52:00.000-07:00

Overnight. I think it just happened overnight. I spent the first 15 weeks pretty much looking the same as usual, and then *boom* -- I looked in the mirror and there it was. I think a woman is generally in touch with whether she's got her tummy in or out. You're going out? Tummy comes in. Your staying in? Tummy comes out. But as of this past Sunday, I have released control to the kid. The Tummons-Tummy is out. ..... And I guess it'll be out for awhile!

Tractor Time in the Garden

2008-05-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

Pop called me yesterday to see if I wanted to try to get the rest of the garden in. I headed to Planter's Seed & Spice to get the rest of the seed we needed (mostly corn & beans), and made it out to the farm around 6pm. Late! Pop was working the garden (the part we hadn't yet planted) with the tractor. And guess what???????
I got to drive a tractor too!!!!! I had to follow along in another tractor with something called a harrow. I thought (with the way farmers talk & name things) that it would have been called a smoother, but it's not. It's a harrow. When Pop worked the ground, it got it all stirred up with ridges & valleys, so I went along afterwards and the harrow smoothed it all out. This is me on the Kubota!

Keep in mind, this was the second time in my life I've ever driven a tractor. I think I did okay, considering. But I did take out a couple of stakes (see below)....

This is what the dogs do while we plant garden. They just go crazy with each other.

This is Pop using our planter. It's a pretty sweet little contraption.

Big [Little] News!

2008-05-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Probably most of you have heard by now, but in case you haven't -- WE'RE EXPECTING. Our first is due October 28th, which makes me 15 weeks as of Monday. First trimester was ok... Don't remember much of it considering how comotose I was. I traded the traditional morning sickness in for evening sickness, and had a hard time mustering up much tolerance for food past 3pm. But now, the appetite is back and I am up for Chinese, Mexican, Sweets & most anything else!

I've been to the doctor several times so far. We've heard & seen the heartbeat and everything appears to be in working order. So far it's a great kid -- doesn't talk back, doesn't run off, doesn't ask for money, and does everything I tell it! We had to borrow a picture of someone else's offspring until we can get a pic of our own. But they kind of all look the same at this point, so I probably shouldn't have even told you..........

This is a kid at 15 weeks:

And this is me at 15 weeks:
Stay tuned.... The treasure hunt is scheduled for my birthday, June 4th. We'll let you know whether we're looking at another Beth or another Tory!

KAT Nurseries in Bloom

2008-05-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

I went out to the nursery today -- things are PHENOMENAL! Take a look at some of the fantastic plants. And the gorgeous sky. How refreshing.

Garden, 4-30

2008-05-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

Here we are again just a week ago. Things are starting to look more like their grown-up selves -- take a look.......

POTATOES

ONIONS

CABBAGE

BROCCOLI

LETTUCE

MORE LETTUCE...

SPINACH

LETTUCE -- RED OAKLEAF

PEAS

the horses & the old barn

Garden, 4-13-08

2008-05-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics from the garden on 4-13-08.

This is the part of the farm where we grow the garden. It's about 1 acre; the entire farm is about 100 acres. At this point, we've only planted about 1/8th of it -- but the rest will come when it's time for summer stuff to go out.

This is ARUGULA. Also pansies. I absolutely have to have flowers incorporated into the garden! It makes things look so much better, and it's great for motivation.

These two pics above are of some lettuce -- I believe this variety is buttercrunch.

I know this is bad, but I can't quite remember what this is -- I need my tags! I think it's either spinach or carrots. Believe it or not, they actually look a little similar coming up. Spinach starts really wispy like this, and then starts looking broader later.

These are peas! I love to watch them grow -- they get curly tendrils.

The garden & me.

Tory & his loyal following.

Starting Seeds in the Greenhouse

2008-05-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

On Easter weekend we decided to start some seeds in the greenhouse out in Atherton. This would give us a head start when it came time to plant outside. Unfortunately, someone who will remain unnamed put a little too much fertilizer in the mix, and all the plants burned up. So we started some more again on April13th. I went out yesterday, April 30, and they look AMAZING! I can't believe they grew so fast!!! I think we may plant them out in the garden either this weekend or next weekend.

Here's Tory getting our mix ready.

This is the potting area, where the crews usually pot up little trees and other green stuff. We borrowed it for the afternoon -- sure was nice to have such a great setup for the project!

This is the greenhouse. It's attached to the back of the building where the potting area is. It was a great spot for the seeds to grow!

And..... here they are!!!!! If you click on the picture & make it bigger, you can probably read the tags and see what we're growing.

This is one of the cats -- Bob. He crawled right up on my lap & made himself comfortable. His name is Bob because he was born with a bobbed tail. Named by Tory = stating the obvious.

The Atherton Dogs

2008-04-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

When I go out to Atherton to work in the garden, one of the highlights is seeing the dogs. One of the lowlights is trying to keep them out of my garden.... The party is as follows:

This is Nelson. He's my cairn terrier that lives at the house with us. But he LOVES the trips to the farm. He's always been a super social dog, so he starts to get cabin fever if I don't take him out to see his buddies. I got Nelson awhile back to be the yin to Charlie's yang. Charlie was smart and handsome, so I got a funny looking little dog to compliment him. But then Charlie died so now all I have is this dog that perpetually looks like he's homeless. But I'll tell you my favorite thing about Nelson -- he sings.

Here is Velda. My #1 Girl. She's the gem that comes to our house a few times a year while she's in heat, and also the lucky mom that bore 10 pups earlier this year. She and I had some serious bonding time during her pregnancy, birth, and mother-time. What a lot of work! She's a unique and special. She's very pretty, but she always makes this funny face when you smile at her:

This is Pablo. One of our friends found him as a pup a few years ago, so we took him out to the farm and he's been a happy camper since. I will admit, in the past, I have not liked Pablo so much... he is a big jumper and I just never felt a connection with him. But this year, he's really calmed down and become quite a neat dog. Plus he's the fastest runner I've ever seen -- even catches killdeer. I like him. Just look at his goofy face!

This is Josephina. She's a sweet (but slightly funny looking) chocolate lab mix. Kind of a neat story here.... A week after Charlie died last fall, a trucker dropped this little pup off at the farm. She's still a young girl, and such a super sweetie.

The Johnston Farm

2008-04-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

Every year Tory plants trees; it's part of growing. But they take up quite a bit of space, and it's not like a row crop that disappears in the winter and then leaves you the same field for your next crop. The past few years have required buying new land, which is always an ordeal -- has to be a specific soil type, size, and in a certain location.

This year one of the solutions was to rent ground. We call this one the Johnston Farm. It's 37 acres and I think he planted about 25,000 trees on it this spring.

I Reeeally Want to, BUT......

2008-04-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's time to start blogging again.

After a busy winter of a lot of snow and a lot of hours -- and no blogging -- I think I may be ready again. The only downside is that I don't work anymore, which means I no longer have access to a speedy internet connection. So the whole picture part of this process is fairly frustrating. We'll see if I can get through it patiently, or if the challenge will fizzle the endeavor. Because this stuff takes time.

Not that time is a rare commodity to me these days. My last day at True North was April 12th, and boy has life been a blast since. Not that TNS was bad, but it definitely did not have my heart. My garden, my yard, my house, and my family & friends definitely do! And that is how I've been spending my time for the last few weeks. I have to say, I've worked harder and burned more calories than I have in a long time!

I'll wrap this one up, and we'll see how my little Sprint wireless card holds up with the new blogging resolution. You may be hearing from me -- you may not!

Velda Puppy Video at 3 1/2 Weeks

2008-02-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

a penny for your thoughts

2007-11-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.

No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.

Piet Hein (1905-1996)

My sister gave me this poem several years ago when I was caught in the purgatory of a decision. And I really did not get it. I just said, "Oh...thanks Em. That's cute." But I thought of it the other day when a new friend was explaining a predicament to me, and I totally got it. And now I love it. I mean, it's not super complex at all -- not like I couldn't have understood it years ago. I guess it just took a seat in the subconsious of my mind, not having a direct application to show itself through. And then someone needed it, and in pulling it off the shelf & dusting it off, I realized I needed it too.

Beth Ann's Christmas List

2007-11-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

I love getting presents. No shame about that whatsoever. I decided it was time to start a list of what I'd like for Christmas this year -- undoubtedly at least my mother will ask me about it. So here it is for all the world to see! And it's almost guaranteed to grow weekly.

A capo for my ukulele. I think it can just be a regular capo, doesn't need to be special. It will get all the specialness it needs when it gets to hug the neck of my kamaka.

I've heard this book is great. I love the theory behind it, and would like to become an expert in hiding veggies in everything.http://www.amazon.com/Deceptively-Delicious-Simple-Secrets-Eating/dp/0061251348/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-1783643-5532127?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194901703&sr=8-1

I love this lady (Barbara Kingsolver). Here's one of her newer ones, about the green & furry things I enjoy. I actually only have Poisonwood Bible & Prodigal Summer, so anything else by her would be wonderful to own. http://www.amazon.com/Animal-Vegetable-Miracle-Year-Food/dp/0060852550/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-1783643-5532127?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194554440&sr=8-1
Here's one I've been wanting for a long time: the DVD of THE GREAT RACE
http://www.amazon.com/Great-Race-Jack-Lemmon/dp/B000063K2R/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-1783643-5532127?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1194553711&sr=8-1

Walk in the Park

2007-11-02T11:34:00.001-07:00

Unrelated to events this past weekend, but more out of a grueling work schedule, I purchased a secondary crate for my (leftover) dog, Nelson. I was always having to rush home from work to let him out, and I'm so backed up at work right now it would be better if I could stay for longer hours. I figured Nelson doesn't know whether he's crated at home or in a car (windows down of course), so now I take him to work with me everyday. I can take him for a quick walk over lunch, at my 3:30 "don't give in to the chocolate urge" time, and any other time I just need to get up off my keester & get the blood moving.

Today we went across the highway to this little completely unknown place called STREAMWAY PARK. It has a perfect walking trail & the fall colors are at least mediocre enough to make a stroll feel a little more special than usual. So we walked. It was wonderful. He loved it & so did I.

But the coolest part of this whole rather pointless story is that I SMELLED THE CATERPILLARS. Do you know this smell? I remember it most from when I was little and completely blown away by the little things. When you actually picked them up & let them crawl all over your hands, turning & turning your wrist so the thing was always on top. But they smell! They have a smell, right? I'm not just imagining this? I'm fairly certain they do. I can't describe it... someone back me up here.

I never actually saw one:

But it was easy enough to imagine with this little dude around:

My Darling Charlie

2007-10-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

My favorite animal ever passed away this weekend. Charlie was 5 1/2. He found some anti-freeze, and in typical Charlie fashion helped himself. Symptoms didn't present for several days, and you have to start treatment for anti-freeze within 5-10 hours. Blood tests identified kidney failure on Friday, and we put him to sleep on Saturday.

This post comes at a time when I feel kind of distant and clinical about the experience, but everything comes and goes. I will post more thoughts about it (and believe me, they exist in intense abundance) later this week.

For now, though, I thought I would share this video with you. I got to spend about an hour with him at the vet on Friday, and I'm so thankful for that time. Everything is raw -- completely unedited. I just plopped it into moviemaker and left it uncut, so it's rather rough. But I love it. I love it just because it actually contains some of my favorite simple things about having Charlie in my life -- the feel of his ears, the color of his coat, his puppy habit of curling up between my legs, the musculature of his body (I know, I'm sounding weird), and how he just couldn't help wagging his tail -- even when he had such little energy. I dearly, dearly loved that dog. And I think he dearly loved me back.

Aunt B!

2007-10-22T10:35:00.001-07:00

I'm an aunt! My little sister Susan had her baby this weekend. I'll write more a little later, but here's my favorite pic for now. :) He's precious.

Thanks to the Stones.

2007-10-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

Recently watched this movie again. It was just on the tube, and convenient. Really the movie came to me, I don't think I even had a choice. Something knew I needed it. Or maybe I'm giving the universe too much credit -- maybe I just knew I needed it.

It's not even Christmastime.

What I love about this movie is how everything is lovable. And this is exactly the thing that makes me want to have babies. Honestly, I could probably do without the little outfits, the stupid toys, the crying and pooping and feeding. What I really want is the over-achiever subconciously trying to clear the clouds with an uptight girlfriend, the martyring mother of a daughter, the young confused pretty spitfire, the son that goes off to get high with his dad and transparently teddy-bears his way into everyone's hearts, and the gay son in a mixed-race marriage. That's family. I mean, that's really family. That's exactly the picture of what I want to be -- the matriarch of diversity -- able to love each one freely and equally. Now that I'm married, and the possibilty of family moves closer and closer, I start dreading the next 15 years -- but this is what I'm really looking forward to.

I'm sure at some point along the way Mother Nature will give me the maternal juice that allows a woman to cherish the baby years. I certainly hope so. But for the meantime, The Family Stone is my fantasy. Someone pass me a crisp white collared shirt, please.

Asses Aware

2007-10-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

The only book that's ever really made it's way to my soul and managed to stay there is Awareness by Anthony de Mello. The subtitle is "The Perils and Opportunities of Reality," which kind of just sounds like a stoner's stab at being deep. It's actually a Christian book, which you know right away because of the completely ridiculous picture of a perfect sunset on the front. I always tear these book covers off; they cloak any good message in cheese. I've never before been impressed by Christian books. Kind of for the same reasons I typically have a hard time with their culture -- the sickening imbalance of perfection. But this one is great. It presents good ideas and good philosophies as just that -- good ideas & philosophies. And then, as kind of an afterthought, he says, "Oh and by the way, this is how it ties in with Jesus." Which is great for a person like me.

You don't need to know anything and everything about my personal spiritual situation. That's not what this is about. But I thought you could use a little to credit the book in case you're a bit of a skeptic like me.

The following text is taken from one of my very favorite chapters in Awareness. I know it's long, but I think if you happen to be reading this because you actually know me, then you might at least get a kick out of it. I hope that in my lifetime, I can achieve the kind of reality that he talks about. Not only in this segment (because it's actually somewhat out-of-context), but what he talks about in the whole book.

Kudos to my sister, Em, for introducing me to Mr. de Mello.

There's nothing so delightful as being aware. Would you rather live in darkness? Would you rather act and not be aware of your actions, talk and not be aware of your words? Would you rather listen to people and not be aware of what you're hearing, or see things and not be aware of what you're looking at? The great Socrates said, "The unaware life is not worth living." That's a self-evident truth. Most people don't live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts -- generally somebody else's -- mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions.

Do you want to see how mechanical you really are? "My, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing." You feel good hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake! You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come over to my center in India and they say, "What a lovely place, these lovely trees" (for which I'm not responsible at all), "this lovely climate." And already I'm feeling good, until I catch myself feeling good, and I say, "Hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as that?" I'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But "me" got in there, so I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about "my" culture and "my" nation. How stupid can you get? I mean that. I'm told my Indian culture has produced all these mystics. I didn't produce them. I'm not responsible for them. Or they tell me, "That country of yours and its poverty -- it's disgusting." I feel ashamed. But I didn't create it. What's going on? Did you ever stop to think? People tell you, "I think you're very charming," so I feel wonderful. I get a positive stroke (that's why they call it I'm O.K., you're O.K.) I'm going to write a book someday and the title will be I'm an Ass, You're an Ass. That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you're an ass. It's wonderful. When people tell me, "You're wrong." I say, "What can you expect of an ass?"

Disarmed, everybody has to be disarmed. In the final liberation, I'm an ass, you're an ass. Normally the way it goes, I press a button and you're up; I press another button and you're down. And you like that. How many people do you know who are unaffected by praise or blame? That isn't human, we say. Human means that you have to be a little monkey, so everybody can twist your tail, and you do whatever you ought to be doing. But is that human? If you find me charming, it means that right now you're in a good mood, nothing more.

It also means that I fit your shopping list. We all carry a shopping list around, and it's as though you've got to measure up to this list -- tall, um, dark, um, handsome, according to my tastes. "I like the sound of his voice." You say, "I'm in love." You're not in love, you silly ass. Any time you're in love -- I hesitate to say this -- you're being particularly asinine. Sit down and watch what's happening to you. You're running away from yourself. You want to escape. Somebody once said, "Thank God for reality, and for the means to escape from it." So that's what's going on.

We are so mechanical, so controlled. We write books about being controlled and how wonderful it is to be controlled and how necessary it is that people tell you you're OK. Then you'll have a good feeling about yourself. How wonderful it is to be in prison! Or as somebody said to me yesterday, to be in your cage. Do you like being in prison? Do you like being controlled? Let me tell you something: If you ever let yourself feel good when people tell you that you're O.K., you are preparing yourself to feel bad when they tell you you're not good. As long as you live to fulfill other people's expectations, you better watch what you wear, how you comb your hair, whether your shoes are polished -- in short, whether you live up to every damned expectation of theirs. Do you call that human?

http://www.demello.org/

While I do think that a lot of this guys ideas are magnificent and goal-worthy, I haven't quite achieved all of them. So, until then, and in direct reference to the above snippet, I will still be receiving & cherishing compliments, but trying not to let put-downs bother me. So line up & bring'em on!

In a nAMe

2007-10-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

I did it today. Changed the ol' last name to a new one just a few hours ago. It was a much more complex decision than I expected it to be. Do I keep my maiden name? (even the descriptor of it is wonderful) Do I take a married name? Do I find a way to hyphen or blend them? Tuschwo...Touche...

I finally decided to embrace tradition (and for a lot of other reasons) and take his name. I believe the tradition is pretty damn sexist of us Americans. I think the Mexicans have a far superior system. But, when in Rome... So like a lemming, I am a Schwope.

This is the last picture ever of me as a TUMMONS. (in my car in front of the SSA building)

I told Tory my compromise was to keep Tummons for all things music related. He said, "Sweet, dog, it will be like a stage name. And then if you go into porn, you can also use it for your screen name." Oh, honey. You're so classy. I love you.

Tabula Rasa

2007-10-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

It's just the beginning. I'm going to try to get the hang of this, and then start posting like mad. I guess you could call that ..."going postal"? No more tabula rasa for me. Get ready for tabula fabula!