Happy 4 Months, Hazel Jane!

For those of you who actually read our posts here at the Bluebird, I apologize. It's been about a month since our last entry. I honestly don't even know what happened to the past month! Seems like time is flying exponentially fast.


Today Hazel is 4 months. Makes me think about her development & growth, and also about how my life has changed so much. None of this is unique -- I'm pretty sure it makes me just like every other mom out there! But I still do believe she's amazingly special -- the spark in her eye charms the hell out of me. I think back on her delivery and kind of want to do it again actually! Like riding a mechanical bull -- it was crazy & kind of hurt, but still exciting, and you think you could do better next time so you want to go again. I'm so thankful I had a positive birth experience. Ummm, and just for you annoying people that keep asking if we're going to have another one anytime soon, the above statement does NOT mean that we're getting on the wagon again!

Hazel has officially found her hands. Play time is so much more fun now that she loves to touch things and poke at them. She has a favorite little fuzzy/silky hanky that she loves to touch, and a stuffed/crinkly ladybug book that she will play with endlessly. This playful autonomy has led to more time in her swing or on the floor -- playing with stuff as opposed to just cuddling with me. I'd assert that we still probably interact more than the average mother/baby, but I'm just trying to make the investment in her becoming capable of self-entertaining. It gives me a bit of a guilt trip; I'm not quite used to having time to switch laundry, much less fold it. And it's weird because I've adjusted to tasking with one hand, and it seems like such a luxury to work with both. At the same time, it's still impossible to find time to do all the things I want to do like working out, learning spanish, cleaning adequately (and blogging). I'm glad we humans don't have litters -- I can't imagine caring for more than just her (well, her and Tory). What is that Angelina-wannabe in California thinking?!?!

Hazel can really coo up a storm. It's got to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. She also has started laughing, and laughs most at her dad. I've always struggled with being silly, so it's a bit of a learning experience for me -- trying to figure out dumb things to do to get that giggle to come out. She's also getting great at holding on when being held. She sleeps from about 8:30 to 8:30, often longer, and takes at least two good naps during the day. Her hair (sigh...) is definitely falling out, and I wonder if it will come back blonde like mine did. Her eyes are still very blue, and I kind of want to believe that they will stay that way.

Nursing is still going really well, and continues to be one of the most magical experiences of my life. With our dishwasher still broken, I may just nurse her forever to cut back on the dishes I have to wash by hand! Still planning to nurse for as long as it seems to work, up to a year. We'll try some cereal at 6 months...which unfortunately will mean dishes. Seriously -- there are just way better things to do than housework!

She's a bit of a chunker & quickly filling out her 3-6 month clothing. I hope she doesn't move to 6-12 month stuff too quickly as everything I have is for warm weather. Dressing her is still one of my favorite activities! I know, I know...that makes me lame & cheesy.

We sit at the piano almost every afternoon and play & sing songs. She seems to be getting the hang of it -- she starts making sounds and every once in awhile I will think I hit a wrong note only to look down & spot her fingers on the keys. I really hope that Tory & I can thoroughly show her the varying heritages we both come from, and hopefully she'll enjoy it all.

Our friend Steph brought over an excersaucer the other day, and Hazel has been loving it. I had to put an atlas in the bottom as her legs aren't quite long enough. She fell asleep in it the other day. I took a picture to go along with the encyclopedia of pictures I have of myself as a baby sleeping absolutely everywhere and anywhere. I can take myself to dreamland in just about any situation, but Tory always battles with sleep. I'm hoping her good sleep habits are foreshadowing of being a super-duper sleeper. That's definitely a Tummons gene, and a great talent to have if you ask me.

Speaking of genes, Tory started drilling me at 1am the other night about my grandparents and exetended family. Asking about height, weight, health problems, dispositions, etc. After awhile I asked why, and he said something about wanting to know what our future kids might be up for, genetically speaking. That guy is a nature guy for sure! (...in the whole nature/nurture world, that is.)

Well, Hazel is waking up & I've officially spent all my free time on the computer today. Guess Tory's shirts will have to wait until the next nap to get ironed. She is looking a bit woozy today with her Tylenol-buzz. Pretty funny. But it's better than the post-vaccine fever that was causing her so much misery.

What's Up, Doc?

Yesterday I took Hazel in for her 4 month check up. She is 14 lbs 11.5 oz, 25.5", and has a 16.5" head. That makes her average-noggened, a little tall, and more than a little chubby. But overall, normal & healthy.

Going to the doctor is seldom a flippant or casual exchange. First of all, it's almost always preceded by some sort of calamity, which always flavors any interaction. The exception here is some of the prenatal care visits. Mine became so routine & boring I wondered why we were even going. But those visits were really nice for one reason: it gave me a chance to take note of how the office actually ran. I got to see Nurse Susan & Nurse Melissa actually talking to other patients on the phone as I passed them in the office. I've been on the other end of that line before, and I really had never made the connection that they were real people working with my doctor. I also started to understand that the medical business is just that -- a business. And just like any other business, everything has a cost associated with it.

Consequently, I started hoping that I was never that patient that took too much time (the doc's time being the cost). I imagined sessions around the Krispy Kreme box, with nurses & docs & lab techs all dishing on which patients were high maintenance. My ever-resurfacing need to be liked rose and inspired me to be easy & prepared; never asking too many questions or needing more time. This worked as long as I stayed healthy and felt sane. This approach, however, is really hard when your baby has been crying for way to long and you're dealing with post-partum hormone re-regulations and you just want some freaking answers. But still, I kept it cool, even if it meant settling. Because I just really didn't want to be that patient. I wanted to be liked. So much so, that after I would get off a 10 minute call with the nurse, I would seriously consider sending her flowers with a note saying something like, "Thanks again for the time you spent with me yesterday. We love you! You're the best!" Even though it wasn't that great (usually even a bit disappointing), but maybe if she liked me best she would do better next time. Sheesh! That's pathetic! But anyway, back to the present...

Yesterday I felt pretty rushed. My doc spent about 5 minutes with Hazel & I, remarking on her great trunk control and asking if she slept through the night. There were about 10 seconds spent on vaccines. She looks at Hazel, punches some things in the computer, and closes the file at her waist like she's ready to walk out the door. Seriously? I'm sure there are other cases in other rooms that are way more serious than a healthy baby (obviously), but can you tone down the body language a bit? I want her to see a lot of patients, and for her business to make good money so she can pay off those ginormous school loans. I want her to feel like she helped as many people as she could, and I want her to feel successful and make a lot of money. But not if it means that she hurries me out the door. ... ... After taking a breath, the bottom line is that I really do trust my doctor to care for us, and while she may miss small things here & there that cause us annoying discomfort, I do trust her with our lives. Gross issues, she's great; fine issues, she seems indifferent. I'm sure this works well for experienced moms who rely less on their physician's direction.

I left the appointment with a feeling of deja vu..... When had I felt this emotion before? (thinking, thinking, thinking....) Oh yeah -- it's the same feeling I had while dating! When you're dating a guy, and he's ok but not great. But you're not sure if you want to break up with him, because what if you don't find anything better? I kind of want to break up with my doctor! One time my doctor was gone, and I had to go to another doc -- her own pediatrician actually. And I LOVED that doctor! She was great, and I left feeling reassured and confident that I could handle whatever came next. (That was 4 days after I had Hazel, and if someone made me feel that ok under the duress of the cocktail of hormones I had in my system, then you know she was good!) But how can you leave your doctor for her doctor? They're both in the same company...you know it would get around. And really, my doctor is not that bad... It's hard because we have history, and you hate to ditch that. Even if it's not an A+ history.

Yesterday Hazel started running a pretty high temp. She was inconsolable -- just seemed miserable, absolutely miserable. It was after-hours, and not wanting to page a doctor I called Ask-A-Nurse. I've had great success with them in the past. I reached a nurse who was WONDERFUL. She took her time & went over all sorts of things with me. The best way to take a temp, what varying temperatures mean, when to be concerned, how long the temp should stick around, when and how to go about bringing it down -- all kinds of things. Also went over other symptoms of vaccines that I could expect. She said, "Didn't your doctor tell you any of this?" She asked if I had any questions, and waited patiently for me to think about things. I felt like she was actually in the room, holding Hazel & putting her hand on my shoulder. She was my favorite kind of professional -- a teacher. My HVAC guy has come by to check on our unit several times this summer. I love him because he shines his little flashlight all over our ductwork in the crawlspace telling me what is what, how it works, and what to look for in the future as signs of success or trouble. This is what I want in a professional, and it's just odd to me that I found it in Ask-A-Nurse, and not at all in my doctor.

I wonder whether all of this processing is just a result of me overthinking things (as usual), or if this is a process normal people go through. And I also wonder if doctors know this kind of thing happens with their patients, and whether they even care. I wish we could all have a forum of doctors teaching patients how to be better patients, and patients teaching doctors how to be better doctors. Seriously, I think a clinic should host it every year, and if you want to be a part of their service you have to attend. Seems like everyone could benefit and the whole shebang would operate more efficiently. And efficiency is great for the bottom line, right?

I recently rediscovered an old acquaintance on facebook. He's now a pediatrician in Maine -- also a passionate blogger (http://bleakonomy.blogspot.com). A few of his entries have just made me think about this topic more and more today. I want to be respectful of my doctor and the relationship we have cultivated so far. However, I want to be a student & proficient executor of the health of my child. And I'm not sure that those two desires go together. I don't know...I'm torn. We have our six month check up in April, so it is my goal to reach a decision by then.

And after re-reading my post, it kind of annoys me that I'm being so emotional. That so much feeling goes into a decision that probably should be 99.9% logic. Tory would approach it that way. He would just scrap the mediocre relationship & move on. But then again, he's not the one who would have to go through the pain of finding a new doctor, which is about as much fun as finding a new church.

1..2..3..Months Old!

The post is a little late, but I thought I'd note that Hazel just passed the 3 month mark (17th). Happy Birthday, Hazel Jane! Awhile back I thought it'd be great to take a picture in the same place each month on her "birthday" (not an original idea) to watch how she grows. I didn't see much with just 2 pictures, but now adding the third you can really see how she's getting bigger! The task is much more daunting than I thought it would be. It's pretty difficult to get her to sit up and sit still -- and even more difficult to snap a decent expression. There are lots of smiles to chose from, but my camera & I never seem to get it quite right. Oh well, the point is to watch the growth, we'll have other pictures to capture the beauty. Take a look ---

1 Month Old...

2 Months... and 3 Months!

I think I see it mostly in her chubby thighs, but also height & head -- she's just getting bigger all over! This is probably just as amazing as watching grass grow to most -- of course, all babies grow -- but it's amazing to me to watch my baby grow. Like she won an Oscar or something.

The third month has brought joy after joy. She laughs now. She loves watching me motorboat my lips -- finds it hilarious. And tries it herself sometimes, too, mostly resulting in spit bubbles. She woke up the other morning and I guess had discovered her tongue; she just wanted to move it around and in and out for a few days. She's over that now, thank goodness. She rolled over at 2 1/2 months, but we've already talked about that. She loves to play on her belly, and when she gets tired she turns to her back to play. Still loves to look in the mirror and at her mobile, and is getting used to some new "friends" she got for Christmas. (I call her toys "friends", it makes me feel less bad when I let her play with them and go do something else.) Two of her favorites are her play gym & her play tv. I also got her a Kickin' Coaster, and she loves it. I would very highly recommend that seat. She can push herself up and down, and it lights up when she kicks hard enough. Very good for muscle development, and way better than a seat you just passively sit in.

I'm a huge fan of her new schedule. I nurse her & tuck her in her crib around 9:30 or 10pm, and she sleeps until about 7:30am! Sometimes she cries when I put her down, but she is usually over it and konked out within 30 minutes. I like to think that the Bedtime With the Beatles music helps. She takes 1-2 naps during the day, but I haven't found much consistency with her naps yet. If she starts to get really cranky & red around the eyes, it's into the crib to cry to sleep, and she's been doing very well with that method.

I worked out for the first time the other day. My sister got me the Gold's Gym resistance workout kit for Christmas, and it is truly incredible. I don't think I'll ever go to a gym again! Hopefully I'll be back to my old weight soon -- only 7 pounds to go, but they are sure being stubborn. We also did Itsy Bitsy Yoga (for mother & baby) the other day. I almost couldn't finish the dvd because it was getting so cheesy, but every time I thought about stopping, Hazel would crack up like she was having so much fun, so I continued. I think we'll learn the routine & then do it without the sappy instructor.

Hazel & Tory have started to develop more of a relationship as well. It's neat to see her comforted by his deep loud voice & big hands; so different from my approach. It's so sweet to know she can appreciate a wide spectrum of affection.

She goes through several outfits a day now -- with all the drooling, spitting up, and major blow outs, it's just inevitable. I don't mind, really. She's got so many cute clothes and I love to see her in all of them. She grows out of things so fast right now, it's probably the only chance she has of getting to wear everything in her closet!

She is still nursing really well, and I am so thankful for the success we've had in that department. I LOVE nursing. It's such a bonding experience, and I love knowing that she is getting good nutrition. I'm also super glad I don't have to wash bottles & endure all the inconvenience that goes with formula. Our dishwasher still doesn't work. I hope to nurse at least until she is 6 months old, and maybe for a year if we can, but we'll see how it all works out.

Hazel is really such a joy. She is quick to smile and just makes the most beautiful sounds. I really love her disposition, and am thankful to have been blessed with such a breezy baby for my first. I know I'm completely biased, but I just think there is something really special about her -- a spark in her eyes that you don't see in every baby. Yes, I'm in love. Unabashedly in love.

Daisy-o-Daisy

Thought I would blog about another baby today. This is DAISY.
For you regular bluebird readers you may remember her from a posting last fall. Tory brought her home as a pup about a week before we had Hazel. I kind of think of her as "the other woman"... I've never really been a Daisy fan. I couldn't object, because since I've known Tory, I've invited 4 cats & 3 dogs into our lives without consulting him about it at all. So when he finally wanted "his own" dog, I couldn't really say no -- even though I was about to birth a child.

You may remember Charlie, the chocolate love of my life that passed away right after we got married in 07. Part of the reason I haven't liked Daisy is that I feel like she's supposed to be a replacement for him, and that just makes me want to vomit. Like that's even remotely possible. Tory says I've idolized Charlie after death, and I'm sure that's partly true. But he really was amazing, and he was mine. (And that has a lot of value when everything suddenly becomes "ours"...)

I got Charlie at a time in my life when I was available to spend a lot of time with him and train him. That, combined with getting to run off a ton of energy at the farm with Tory everyday, made for a very well behaved dog. And he just knew me in such a wonderful way. I loved being known. He was also what I believe to be the most attractive dog ever. When someone says "dog" I have always, and still do picture a brown, block-headed, short-coated dog. Just plain and strong and beautifully brown. I've never really cared for multi-colored or long haired breeds. Ick.

When Velda went into heat last year (she's the yellow lab below), Tory tried to mate her with Bear (a very regal and strong chow mix from the Olathe farm). I probably would have welcomed this offspring, even though their coats would have been a bit long. But when the pups came out, it was clear that the little bitch whored around a little before Bear got to her. Because all the pups were obviously Pablo's (the black dog below).

Pablo has a lot of fans out there (most of Tory's family loves him), but I have NEVER been one. The dog just bugs me. He jumps like crazy, which I think is completely unacceptable. And he just has this funny energy about him... I don't know. He doesn't know how to mind, and I just don't get the appeal on any level. I will say the dog can run fast. Probably even faster than Charlie (that statement shows I have retained some degree of objectivity). But he's so hairy and jumpy and just ... ick. So there's another strike against Daisy.

By the time I shell out love to Hazel, and to Nelson (the scruffy pup above), and to Chin (my cat), there's just hardly any left for Daisy. And I didn't even mention Tory in that list -- he needs love to. And what about myself? Always passed over these days. Daisy is a puppy -- into everything and lots of energy. She's just challenging for me to love. Really challenging.

But I have realized this past week that she is the dog that Hazel will grow up with. I mean, there's Nelson too, but he's a terrier and not much of a cuddle-bug. There is a chance that Hazel & Daisy could develop a beautiful relationship of knowing and being known. So I've decided I need to invest some of myself in this dog for that very possibility. She does have a sweet heart, I can tell that already, she just needs "rules, boundaries, and limitations" as Cesar Milan would say. I can't have my Charlie back, but there's a chance Hazel could have a shot at the same kind of love, so here goes.

Daisy, come here honey. Let's spend 30 minutes trying to teach you how to hold still.

Twenty Little Piggies

This is special to me. Very precious. Morning wake-up & play in pajamas time. She's going to be walking in no time.

Some pretty morning pics

Hazel Rolls Over!

Hazel rolled over from front to back for the first time on January 6th, at the young age of 2 1/2 months. Way to go! Here's a video of one of her stunning performances. (Turn your sound down unless you want to hear my super cheesy stage-mom voice.) Watch for the victorious fist pump at the end.

One of my favorites...

More Onesies for New Babies of Old Friends

Today Hazel went to one of her first & finest girl parties. Our dear friend Becca (www.wirkenphoto.com) is expecting a little girl, and Hazel & I have been so excited! Well, ok, Hazel doesn't realize it yet, but give her a few years & I think she'll be great pals with the little Spears just like I am with Mama Spears. I don't have any pics of the party, my hands were busy enough with baby & the most delectable pastries you've ever seen. Becca rented out Natasha's Mulberry & Mott down at Mission Farms for a Marie Antoinette Tea Party themed baby shower. It was a beautiful party, and Hazel & I were so happy to go.
Over the summer I copied my mother's hobby and started embroidering. I really love it. I haven't had a creative outlet for quite awhile, so it was nice to experience that again. (I was crazy craft girl in high school...) I made quite a few onesies for Hazel that turned out really well. (I posted pictures of those last fall.) Here are the two I made for Becca's little darling.

I'm never sure whether it's appropriate to complement your own handiwork, but I'll go ahead this time and just say that I LOVE this owl. I was so proud of it. It was actually kind of complicated & took me longer than any I've made so far (which is only like 7, but still). You can't see in this picture, but the branch wraps around the side. I used several different types of stitching to hopefully give the lines different textures, and I used several different colors of thread in the eyes to give it a little more dimension. There isn't a lot out there right now on interesting embroidery technique, so I'm kind of making stuff up as I go. Anyway, I love it, and I think Becca does too.

Christmas... Just Us

I think this is my favorite picture from Christmas, and it doesn't even have Hazel in it! The weekend after Christmas, Tory & I had our holiday celebration. We always have crab legs, and this year we added lemon roasted potatoes, "red lobster" biscuits, and caesar salad. Finish it off with some angel food cake with berries & whipped cream, and it's about the best meal I can imagine. It felt so good to just take time & cook and not have anyone else around. Also felt good to polish off a good bottle of wine. After a few presents (he got me Spanish Rosetta Stone & a gift card to get a chiminea & truck load of pinon), we ended the night watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on the laptop in bed. So relaxed. So nice. More traditional holiday pics to come later, but I wanted to get this one up first.