Rewriting Childhood Songs

Lately, I've been trying to remember all the songs from my childhood. It's interesting to revisit these lyrics as adult. -- Some examples being Ring Around the Roses, Jimmy Crack Corn, or Buffalo Gals... You take a look at the history or context, and realize you just need to try to ignore the literal or implied meaning of the lyrics. Every once in awhile, I run across a song that has some golden parts to it, but some trash as well. So instead of throwing the whole thing out, I just keep what I want and make up the rest.

Example #1: Good Morning, Good Morning from Singing in the Rain.
In the movie, they're singing good morning because they've stayed up the whole night. And honestly I can't remember much more than, "Good Morning, Good Morning. It's great to stay up late. Good Morning, Good Morning to you." It's not that it's inappropriate for children, it's just that it's not very fitting. So I changed the words and added a bridge, and here's the new version I sing to Hazel every morning while changing her diaper:

Good Morning, Good Morning
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, Good Morning to you
Good Morning, Good Morning
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, This day is for you
You had a good night sleepy-time in bed
But now it's time for upsie-daisy, silly-head
Good Morning, Good Morning,
I hope you're feeling great
Good Morning, This day is for you

Example #2: Let the Sunshine In
Here's another one in need of a face lift. I love the chorus -- to me it was always a chipper anthem of the power of positive thinking. But then the other day I started singing the verse I remembered, and had to stop myself. It's all about the devil! I got online to see if there were other verses more appropriate for children, and found out that all the verses to that song are about the devil. Why anyone would craft such a delightful song with such terrible subject matter is beyond me -- like making a bouquet out of carcasses. So I took a little time to think about what I thought the song should say, and here is my new version:

My mother told me something
That a little girl should know
And it’s all about your attitude
When giving things a go
She says look for the good in things
And you will surely see
If you’re positive and confident
You can do anything

chorus:
So let the sunshine in
Face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
And frowners never win
So let the sunshine in
Face it with a grin
Open up your heart and
Let the sunshine in

While driving me to school one day
My daddy did explain
That I’m the one responsible
For having a good day
He says no matter what the day brings
You can always choose
To respond with kindness and you’ll find it
Keeps away the blues

[chorus]

And now whenever storm clouds
darken up the sky
I know just what I need to do
to get me through the night
I say a little prayer and
Remember to be brave
And a rainbow will soon appear
to chase away the gray

[chorus]

There! Much better!

The chorus always reminded me of the experience that inspired the second verse. I can remember many many mornings when my dad would be driving us kids to school, and he would ask, "Are you going to have a good day today?" The first few times we would point out that there's no way we could know that -- how could we know what would happen to us that day? And then he would start in with a little pep talk about how no matter what happens or what other people do, we always have control over our reaction and how we handle things. He would encourage, "Only you determine what kind of day you have!" After the first few speeches, anytime he would ask us "Are you going to have a good day?", we would just groan and laugh. We all remember those conversations very well, and as cheesy as it may be, it bears a lot of truth -- and is much better subject matter for a song!

FAME!!!

My favorite stitching site invites patrons to submit their completed embroidery projects. They pick their favorites and display them in their gallery. I submitted my latest project, and guess what?!?!??? I made it! Click here to check me out.

Addendum 4/17/09: Can you believe it? They blogged about it! Thanks for letting me know, Jessica!

I'll Fly Away

The little bird has picked up a new trick! When she gets excited she flaps her arms like she's going to fly away. Everytime she would do it, I would yell at Tory to come watch and of course she would stop. I was trying to get it recorded to show him and had to act fast to get the camera in time. -- So fast that I left a dang dirty diaper on the table and it's in the video. Gross. Bad Mama.

More Baby Videos

Here are a few more videos -- taken by a new mom who thinks every little thing her daughter does is spectacular. (Read as, "this video will probably not interest anyone besides family".....) First up is Hazel playing with her Whoozit -- a toy my mother got her for Christmas. It's her favorite thing to play with sitting up. The second one is after her second dining experience -- she figured out she could make a sound by banging her spoon, and became obsessed with bonking and bonking. Again, sorry about the cheesy commentary.

First Cereal Video

For those of you that want to see the event in motion, here's a video for you. Sorry about the breast pump in the background! It kind of reminds me of the "money you could be saving with geico"....if you've seen those commercials. Please pardon my SUPER cheesy commentary. I've got to learn to keep quiet in these videos! We did the first half of the meal with the other video (tape) camera. By the time we got to the second half with our digital (this one), she was starting to lose interest a bit. It'll probably be moderately interesting for grandparents and family, and super dull for the rest of you.

House Sweet House

Because I have spent the last 6 years putting out emotional fires with rational thought, I will do a very poor job in the next few paragraphs of conveying how deeply the show House touches me. I'm simply out of practice when it comes to feeling. (But that's not the subject for this blog, so we'll move on.) I would skip the entry altogether, but I think so highly of the show that I can't not mention it.

I've been watching House for a few years now. It started because I have a thing for a) hard truths cloaked in sarcasm delivered by fearless and credible people, and b) older attractive and intelligent men, especially if they exhibit the previous quality. (Definitely helps if they are right most of the time and play piano and guitar.) Dad, if you're reading, don't get weirded out on me -- I promise this isn't oedipal.

What kept me watching (in addition to the aforementioned qualities), is the subject matter. The topics of House may be much like any other medical drama -- life, death, meaning, etc. But no other medical drama has ever appealed to me, probably because most of them are driven by hope, while House is driven by cynicism. Now that speaks to me.

I wanted to write a blog earlier this year, when the episode titled Unfaithful aired in February. A priest had a vision of Jesus and got very sick and ended up as Gregory House's patient. The two men went back and forth about faith, both trying to prove a point and convince the other while still figuring out where they stood on the subject. I need to go back and watch it, because there was so much meaty dialogue. That was the first time I watched a tv episode and needed a week to work through the cloud/clarity it left in my brain. It was fantastic.

Tory went out to watch the game (basketball, right?) with a buddy tonight, so I got to watch House with him gone, which allows me to concentrate much more. Thank goodness, because I would have needed to be alone with this episode (Simple Explanation). One of the doctor's on House's team calls in because "his dog is sick", and two other doctors on the team go to check in on him -- finding him on the floor. Self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

I'm assuming anyone who is reading knows why I would identify: boyfriend's suicide in 2003, brother's suicide in 2008. They are both events I still deal with and work through everyday.

If I were writing a paper, I would make sure of all my sources and then start giving you all sorts of statistics. Since this is just a blog, I don't have to do that. I'm not going to remember them all accurately, and I don't feel pressure to. But here's some information for those of you unfamiliar with the subject. Suicide is common. And it's not talked about for the most part. It's a sickness. If it hasn't directly or indirectly creeped into your sphere of influence, just wait -- it most likely will. If it creeps in close, a loved one, your world will be blown open and you will find yourself in the spiral of a huge question mark. If the strike isn't so close, it may be just enough of the evil to vaccinate you from the heartache. If it sucks the life out of your heart more than once in 5 years, call me and we'll have a drink.

People don't talk about suicide because there's no happy ending. There's never even a mediocre ending -- there just isn't an ending at all. Usually we never really know why someone does it (even if they leave a note), and mainstream media needs closure. Doesn't matter if it's the news or movies or tv or magazines -- no one wants to report an unknown. It doesn't sell.Most people don't have a decent understanding of the subject. I can't blame them too much. Why would you want to investigate something so melancholy? The church seems to have its stance on suicide -- they will talk about it because it is their duty to feign impathy, though judgment is hard to conceal. Most from the older generation won't acknowledge the subject. And then there is a vast sect of society that uses the repulsive term "selfish act" with a clear and severe disrespect of the deceased and their remaining confidants. I think these people must have very simple minds and simple hearts and just have never experienced the far reaching boundaries of a tragic and beautiful soul. I want to shake them -- close them in a room with a well written book on the subject and the ghosts of suicide victims until they understand, but I'll keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I kind of envy their simplicity.

House took the subject and ran like an Olympian, creating a beautiful dance between the subjects of guilt and love. Resigning, you can't feel that much guilt with out love. Gregory House returns to Kutner's apartment repeatedly on a quest to discover the explanation, questions his friends and his parents, scouring every remaining piece of his life for clues. Brings back memories. A colleague consoles, Kutner hid from everyone. You didn't get a chance to save him; no one did -- "chance" being the operative word that makes that quip right in every way. The show ends with a funeral, and a beautifully accurate portrayal of personal paths of grief. The lonely stoic. The empty, drained faces of the parents. The friend that avoids the subject until a moment alone when it hits and brings a blubbering flood.

To whomever is responsible for making this show the soul-wrenching meaty-meal that it is, I commend you. Thank you for tackling a taboo subject and for doing it so f***ing well. A well needed heart massage, and a message needing heard.

Hazel's First Cereal

We have taken the leap!

The past week and a half, Hazel has been draining me dry and begging for more. She's said goodbye to all of her 3-6 month clothing, and is now exclusively in 6-12 month duds. I guess it's time to grow again. I feel so bad when she's rooting & rooting & rooting for more, and there's just not a drop to be found.

She can sit unassisted, has been noticing food, can drink water out of a big-girl cup (but won't take a bottle, go figure), and seems generally hungry -- so I figured it was time to introduce some cereal. She's about 5 1/2 months, so we're right on the AAP's schedule.

I've been putting it off because (sorry to get graphic) her bowels have started really spacing out. She'll go about 5 or 6 days between number two's, which makes me cringe, but I guess it's fairly normal. Currently, she's on day 9 and we're still waiting for what promises to be a monstrous explosion. It's really really uncommon for a breastfed baby to get constipated (so they say), so I just keep working her legs, massaging her tummy, and letting her eat as much as she wants. Everyone has advice on the subject, and I welcome all of it. It didn't seem right at first to think about adding in something thicker than she's used to when she's potentially plugged up, but it seems that most of the material online & from my doc's office is telling me not to worry. So I'm done worrying. Bring out the spoon!

I made about 5 tsp of rice cereal with breastmilk. SHE LOVED IT!!!!! It all went well-- like she had been eating for months! I put some on the spoon and showed it to her; she opened wide and closed down on the cereal. Easy-peasy. Not all of it went down the hatch, she sometimes would just move it around in her mouth or ooze it out, but all in all I would call it a very successful first meal. Hooray!

Breastfeeding Article

This is for all you moms out there who have successfully or unsuccessfully or apathetically breastfed your child.

Check out my friend's blog entry on the subject.

And also be sure to read the article he is referring to.

In Dan's perfect words -- It's a level-headed and refreshingly skeptical look at the hype, over-selling and judgmental posturing that attaches to contemporary breast-feeding.

Take a minute to read it -- seriously. Please do it now. Latch on and don't stop until you've finished the rich hind-milk of it. You won't be let down.

(and while you read it, note my beef with the subject: even in professional literature the presentation of the word is inconsistent -- breastfeeding, breast-feeding, breast feeding...)

Oh, I went down south for to see my gal...

We are finally almost recouperated from our trip this past weekend. My best friend from college, Timberly, got married to Josh on Saturday down at Nottoway Plantation just outside of Baton Rouge. I was a bridesmaid. It's a terrible time of year for Tory to be away for any length of time, so I asked my mother to go with me to help take care of Hazel.

Our flight left at 6am Friday morning, so Mom & I were up by 3:45 and out the door at 4:30. Quite a different process trying to fly with a baby! You've got to take so much more stuff, and going through security is a mess. But we made our flight (barely), and Hazel was perfect the whole time. We got to the plantation a little early and our room wasn't ready for us yet; since we were so so so tired, we just slept in the car for awhile like a bunch of vagabonds.

Nottoway Plantation is gorgeous! The grounds were verdant (except for some areas of construction), the buildings were amazing, and the rooms were perfect. And don't even get me started on the furnishings & linens! The property sits right behind the levee of the Mississippi, and is the largest plantation in Louisiana. There were snapdragons & pansies planted everywhere, along with a variety of palms -- and then, of course, the stately oaks. A gorgeous spot to spend a weekend.

Speaking of gorgeous -- my friend Timberly... I stopped taking pictures once the photographers got there, so I didn't really get any of her in her wedding dress, but oh--my--goodness, she was breathtaking. The wedding was very girly and pretty -- very Timberly. Her mom did all the flowers (silk), and the decorations seemed straight out of fairly land. Pretty, pretty, pretty....

It was great to see some of her friends from high school again (I was the only one from MNU), and we all had a fabulous time. She couldn't have asked for more perfect weather. Blue skies, sunshine, and always a nice little breeze. There was a restaurant and gift shop on the grounds, so we never had to leave or want for anything!

Second to the bride, Hazel was a superstar. She was passed around nonstop; I don't think her bottom touched a seat for two days. It was great for my mom to get to spend that much time with her, and I know Hazel loved it too. Everytime I looked at them they were cracking each other up or cuddling or doing something sweet together. There's no way I would have been able to enjoy the trip without bringing her along.

The only downside of the trip was that during the reception, I felt a little nauseous and went back to the room -- and came down with the stomach flu! It was awful! I was laid up until Sunday afternoon when we had to leave to catch a 4pm flight back home. Still felt pretty weak, but managed to move my legs & get myself through the airports. Sheesh... That bug sucks for sure. Luckily neither Hazel nor my mom got it from me.

Here are a few pics!

Sit Up, Spit Up

The other night, I decided to get a pic of the brand new little sitter... and ~OOPS~ look what happened!
And then it looks like she's saying, "Well, Mom, you should have known!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Later that night, she had a playdate with Nellers. They are finally starting to notice and be interested in each other.

Hazel Jane, 5 Months

Wow! Time flies -- this post is late! I've been pretty good about a monthly update, but with our recent trip down south, time got away from me.

Hazel was 5 months old on March 17th. Five months seems pretty accurate -- doesn't seem like time is going by too fast or too slow. But when I think about her almost being 6 months, it scares me to death! Now that seems too old! I'm just not going to think about it for now.....

Hazel can sit up now. At some point, she tumbles over, but she can usually sit up for at least a few minutes. Often she leans forward and touches the floor for some support. Almost looks like she's folding herself in half sometimes. You would think her being able to sit up would make taking her picture a little easier, but it's quite the opposite in fact. She is rarely content to sit back anymore, so she's always bobbing all around. I'm still thankful that she hasn't started moving around yet -- just for the sake of the floor maintenance it's going to require of me.

She has a pretty set schedule now. She wakes up about 7-8am and eats, then plays in her exersaucer while I do some chores. (I know she's awake when I hear her talking to herself in bed -- so cute.) We do some more fun morning-time activities, and then when she starts to get a little fussy, she has her second breakfast followed by a morning nap. She will eat 3-4 more times in the day with an afternoon nap thrown in there somewhere. And then she usually falls asleep somewhere between 7 and 9pm. She sleeps in her crib downstairs, which took awhile for me to get used to, but it's great now (she was previously in the bassinet upstairs down the hall from us).

Some of her favorite activities include playing in her exersaucer or playgym, reading books with mama, "donkey rides" with dad, talking to people (loves this a lot), playing piano & singing with me, taking stroller rides, looking at groceries in the store, and watching her mobile. The books say 5 month olds are supposed to be over their mobiles by now, but she still loves it -- especially if she's a little tired. She loves-loves-loves to have fuzzy fabrics in her hand, but doesn't have a preference for a particular blanket or animal. She seems to really enjoy diaper time, and sometimes we'll talk and play at the changing table for quite awhile.

This fifth month has also included some not-so-pleasant happenings. She's gotten sick a few times -- a cold, throwing up, being constipated. She's also continued to spit up quite a bit, and always seems to do it right before I get the burp cloth up in the right spot. She wants to put everything in her mouth, but hasn't quite developed the coordination to get things in there correctly, which is one reason I think she favors cloth so much -- she can just bunch it up & stuff it all in there. She's also still quite a drooler. I guess it's possible she's teething, but the doc doesn't think so and I haven't seen any visible teeth trying to push up yet.

She eats really well. Well, she eats well from me. But boy, try to get her to take a bottle and you would think someone was pinching off her nose. She hates it! She gets sooooo mad. She was taking them for awhile there, and then just stopped. I've tried different bottles, different nipples, different positions -- nothing seems to work. It's not really a big deal because I'm available to nurse, but it makes it pretty much impossible for me to leave her for very long. We have a wedding & reception on April 4th, so I'm not sure what we're going to do for that. I'm just going to keep trying! (Funny: if I take a phone call when she is nursing, she will stop eating to look up & talk to me -- she thinks I am talking to her I guess!)

Hazel is starting to move into 6-12 month clothing. At her last doctor's visit (in Feb) she was 14 lbs 11.5 oz (75%), so she's a little ahead of the game, but not too much. It seems to me she's starting to lengthen out a bit and become more proportional, but maybe I'm imagining things.

She has started really laughing, and it's fun to see what will get her going. She's only really up for silly business, though, when she's really relaxed.

She seems to be amicable with almost anyone, and is quick to smile at anyone who smiles at her. I think her smile is absolutely amazing -- I'm sure this isn't the first time I've gone on about it. But it really is delightful, charming, gleeful... I mean, the girl is just HAPPY.

She does get unhappy from time to time. Mostly in the evenings in environments with too much stimulation. This doesn't bother me at all -- I suffer the same calamity. I know everyone says she looks just like Tory, but on the whole she really reminds me of me. I look back at my baby pictures, and the spirit seems identical.

It has been interesting to watch her relationship with Tory grow. He has a very different parenting style than I do (surprise, surprise), and at times I think that if I were a baby I wouldn't care for it. :) But she is so comfortable with him, and when he is in the room she watches him with awe & wonder. They cuddle a lot and I know Tory is looking forward to really introducing her to the outdoors when it gets just a bit nicer out.

Aaaannd she continues to lose hair after hair after hair. So I continue to buy hat after hat after hat. Vanity, thy name is motherhood.

We love her so much.

New Baby, Charlotte!

A previous post, Brunches & Lunches featured one of my dear friends, Becca, on her due date. She had dear little Charlotte the following Sunday, and Hazel and I got a chance to drop by that week to visit. Charlotte had the sweetest little cry and would strike the cutest poses. It was funny -- when Charlotte would cry, Hazel would pout her lower lip and start to get sad as well. Here is a pic of all the lovely ladies together. Charlotte is so cute in the little onesie I stitched for her, and doesn't Becca look amazing?

And now Hazel is a superstar on the world wide web! Becca posted a few pictures of their playdate on her blog, so be sure to follow the link and check them out. They are gorgeous! We are blessed to have her as a friend, not just because she is a wonderful individual, but also because sometimes we end up in her amazing photographs. (wink, wink)

Little Hydrangea Head

This weekend we went to my friend Timberly's wedding at the Nottoway Plantation just outside of Baton Rouge, LA. As the date drew nearer, Hazel was losing more and more hair. I decided she needed some kind of bonnet to wear with her pretty dress, but I didn't find anything that I thought was quite cute enough. So I made one! I think it turned out fabulous!!! Timberly used this blue-purple hydrangea in all of her wedding flowers, so Hazel fit the festivities to a tee. Timberly loved it, and we got a few professional pictures with the bride in her wedding dress, me in my bridesmaid dress, and Hazel in her blue bonnet -- all taken in the white ballroom of the mansion. Those will be online in a few weeks, and I will post a link to them then. For now, here is a slideshow of our little homestyle photo shoot.

Brunches & Lunches

Anyone who has spent much R&R time with me probably knows that I LOVE going out to eat. I love it! Being served good food is such a respite from my everyday life of grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning up. And two of my favorite dining experiences (by far) are 1. BREAKFAST AT THE CLASSIC COOKIE and 2.THE CHOCOLATE BAG. It was such a treat this week to get to enjoy both.
Here we are at Classic Cookie. Hazel & I met Becca & Nicole there for some brunch. I love that they know us and they always welcome Hazel & shower her with affection. This visit was special because it was on Becca's actual due date. Doesn't she look radiant???!

And here we are having lunch with Grandma Pat & Aunt Julie. Grandma took us out for lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, McCormick & Schmick's. It was such a nice lunch, and was concluded with what I consider to be the most perfect desert in the world -- the Chocolate Bag. Damn....that thing is GOOD! Thank you, Grandma Pat!

Second Pretty Day in a Row...

Finally! Nice weather!

I'm going to have to make this a quickie, because it's SO nice outside & we've got to get out and enjoy it. Well, really, I just need to work in the yard which is kind of the same thing sometimes, but not always. I've gotten so bad about consistent blogging, and in the effort to discipline consistency, my plan is to just throw stuff up here quickly for awhile until I get in the habit. Once the habit comes, I'll go for quality again. Hope you guys don't mind.....

Here are a few from yesterday. It was her first really nice day outside, and she loved it. Loved the sun, the wind, the dog walking around her -- all of it. I just put her in her seat and carried her around the yard with me. I told her all about plants & why we were working. I also told her all about these fabulous little things called FLOWERS and how her life will change completely once she sees them.

There's a video in the new Video Bar (on the right side of your screen) from this same afternoon.

still a thumb-sucker...
funny face...
curious Nelson (aka Ratters)

Melting Meters

Just a few weeks ago, I had a pining for some poetry. A quest to find a giant book of lilting meters came up with the Random House Book of Poetry for Children. In this blogger's humble opinion, this book should be a staple in every child's home. I love reading it to Hazel at bedtime. I think it's great for her to understand how melodic and beautiful words can be, and every once in awhile I stumble on one that absolutely melts me.

Two People

She reads the paper,
while he turns on TV;
she likes the mountains,
he craves the sea.

He'd rather drive
she'll take the plane;
he waits for sunshine;
she walks in the rain.

He gulps down cold drinks,
she sips at hot;
he asks, "Why go?"
She asks, "Why not?"

In just about everything
they disagree,
but they love one another
and they both love me.

Eve Merriam

I hope from the innermost part of me that when Hazel is older, she will identify with this poem in the same warm way I do.

The Bleakonomy Take on Vaccines

If you're a person who ever has, or will have to think about vaccinating your child, read THIS. Seriously, whatever you end up deciding, you will at least get a kick out of reading it. Thank you, Dan! Love it!

Happy 4 Months, Hazel Jane!

For those of you who actually read our posts here at the Bluebird, I apologize. It's been about a month since our last entry. I honestly don't even know what happened to the past month! Seems like time is flying exponentially fast.


Today Hazel is 4 months. Makes me think about her development & growth, and also about how my life has changed so much. None of this is unique -- I'm pretty sure it makes me just like every other mom out there! But I still do believe she's amazingly special -- the spark in her eye charms the hell out of me. I think back on her delivery and kind of want to do it again actually! Like riding a mechanical bull -- it was crazy & kind of hurt, but still exciting, and you think you could do better next time so you want to go again. I'm so thankful I had a positive birth experience. Ummm, and just for you annoying people that keep asking if we're going to have another one anytime soon, the above statement does NOT mean that we're getting on the wagon again!

Hazel has officially found her hands. Play time is so much more fun now that she loves to touch things and poke at them. She has a favorite little fuzzy/silky hanky that she loves to touch, and a stuffed/crinkly ladybug book that she will play with endlessly. This playful autonomy has led to more time in her swing or on the floor -- playing with stuff as opposed to just cuddling with me. I'd assert that we still probably interact more than the average mother/baby, but I'm just trying to make the investment in her becoming capable of self-entertaining. It gives me a bit of a guilt trip; I'm not quite used to having time to switch laundry, much less fold it. And it's weird because I've adjusted to tasking with one hand, and it seems like such a luxury to work with both. At the same time, it's still impossible to find time to do all the things I want to do like working out, learning spanish, cleaning adequately (and blogging). I'm glad we humans don't have litters -- I can't imagine caring for more than just her (well, her and Tory). What is that Angelina-wannabe in California thinking?!?!

Hazel can really coo up a storm. It's got to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. She also has started laughing, and laughs most at her dad. I've always struggled with being silly, so it's a bit of a learning experience for me -- trying to figure out dumb things to do to get that giggle to come out. She's also getting great at holding on when being held. She sleeps from about 8:30 to 8:30, often longer, and takes at least two good naps during the day. Her hair (sigh...) is definitely falling out, and I wonder if it will come back blonde like mine did. Her eyes are still very blue, and I kind of want to believe that they will stay that way.

Nursing is still going really well, and continues to be one of the most magical experiences of my life. With our dishwasher still broken, I may just nurse her forever to cut back on the dishes I have to wash by hand! Still planning to nurse for as long as it seems to work, up to a year. We'll try some cereal at 6 months...which unfortunately will mean dishes. Seriously -- there are just way better things to do than housework!

She's a bit of a chunker & quickly filling out her 3-6 month clothing. I hope she doesn't move to 6-12 month stuff too quickly as everything I have is for warm weather. Dressing her is still one of my favorite activities! I know, I know...that makes me lame & cheesy.

We sit at the piano almost every afternoon and play & sing songs. She seems to be getting the hang of it -- she starts making sounds and every once in awhile I will think I hit a wrong note only to look down & spot her fingers on the keys. I really hope that Tory & I can thoroughly show her the varying heritages we both come from, and hopefully she'll enjoy it all.

Our friend Steph brought over an excersaucer the other day, and Hazel has been loving it. I had to put an atlas in the bottom as her legs aren't quite long enough. She fell asleep in it the other day. I took a picture to go along with the encyclopedia of pictures I have of myself as a baby sleeping absolutely everywhere and anywhere. I can take myself to dreamland in just about any situation, but Tory always battles with sleep. I'm hoping her good sleep habits are foreshadowing of being a super-duper sleeper. That's definitely a Tummons gene, and a great talent to have if you ask me.

Speaking of genes, Tory started drilling me at 1am the other night about my grandparents and exetended family. Asking about height, weight, health problems, dispositions, etc. After awhile I asked why, and he said something about wanting to know what our future kids might be up for, genetically speaking. That guy is a nature guy for sure! (...in the whole nature/nurture world, that is.)

Well, Hazel is waking up & I've officially spent all my free time on the computer today. Guess Tory's shirts will have to wait until the next nap to get ironed. She is looking a bit woozy today with her Tylenol-buzz. Pretty funny. But it's better than the post-vaccine fever that was causing her so much misery.

What's Up, Doc?

Yesterday I took Hazel in for her 4 month check up. She is 14 lbs 11.5 oz, 25.5", and has a 16.5" head. That makes her average-noggened, a little tall, and more than a little chubby. But overall, normal & healthy.

Going to the doctor is seldom a flippant or casual exchange. First of all, it's almost always preceded by some sort of calamity, which always flavors any interaction. The exception here is some of the prenatal care visits. Mine became so routine & boring I wondered why we were even going. But those visits were really nice for one reason: it gave me a chance to take note of how the office actually ran. I got to see Nurse Susan & Nurse Melissa actually talking to other patients on the phone as I passed them in the office. I've been on the other end of that line before, and I really had never made the connection that they were real people working with my doctor. I also started to understand that the medical business is just that -- a business. And just like any other business, everything has a cost associated with it.

Consequently, I started hoping that I was never that patient that took too much time (the doc's time being the cost). I imagined sessions around the Krispy Kreme box, with nurses & docs & lab techs all dishing on which patients were high maintenance. My ever-resurfacing need to be liked rose and inspired me to be easy & prepared; never asking too many questions or needing more time. This worked as long as I stayed healthy and felt sane. This approach, however, is really hard when your baby has been crying for way to long and you're dealing with post-partum hormone re-regulations and you just want some freaking answers. But still, I kept it cool, even if it meant settling. Because I just really didn't want to be that patient. I wanted to be liked. So much so, that after I would get off a 10 minute call with the nurse, I would seriously consider sending her flowers with a note saying something like, "Thanks again for the time you spent with me yesterday. We love you! You're the best!" Even though it wasn't that great (usually even a bit disappointing), but maybe if she liked me best she would do better next time. Sheesh! That's pathetic! But anyway, back to the present...

Yesterday I felt pretty rushed. My doc spent about 5 minutes with Hazel & I, remarking on her great trunk control and asking if she slept through the night. There were about 10 seconds spent on vaccines. She looks at Hazel, punches some things in the computer, and closes the file at her waist like she's ready to walk out the door. Seriously? I'm sure there are other cases in other rooms that are way more serious than a healthy baby (obviously), but can you tone down the body language a bit? I want her to see a lot of patients, and for her business to make good money so she can pay off those ginormous school loans. I want her to feel like she helped as many people as she could, and I want her to feel successful and make a lot of money. But not if it means that she hurries me out the door. ... ... After taking a breath, the bottom line is that I really do trust my doctor to care for us, and while she may miss small things here & there that cause us annoying discomfort, I do trust her with our lives. Gross issues, she's great; fine issues, she seems indifferent. I'm sure this works well for experienced moms who rely less on their physician's direction.

I left the appointment with a feeling of deja vu..... When had I felt this emotion before? (thinking, thinking, thinking....) Oh yeah -- it's the same feeling I had while dating! When you're dating a guy, and he's ok but not great. But you're not sure if you want to break up with him, because what if you don't find anything better? I kind of want to break up with my doctor! One time my doctor was gone, and I had to go to another doc -- her own pediatrician actually. And I LOVED that doctor! She was great, and I left feeling reassured and confident that I could handle whatever came next. (That was 4 days after I had Hazel, and if someone made me feel that ok under the duress of the cocktail of hormones I had in my system, then you know she was good!) But how can you leave your doctor for her doctor? They're both in the same company...you know it would get around. And really, my doctor is not that bad... It's hard because we have history, and you hate to ditch that. Even if it's not an A+ history.

Yesterday Hazel started running a pretty high temp. She was inconsolable -- just seemed miserable, absolutely miserable. It was after-hours, and not wanting to page a doctor I called Ask-A-Nurse. I've had great success with them in the past. I reached a nurse who was WONDERFUL. She took her time & went over all sorts of things with me. The best way to take a temp, what varying temperatures mean, when to be concerned, how long the temp should stick around, when and how to go about bringing it down -- all kinds of things. Also went over other symptoms of vaccines that I could expect. She said, "Didn't your doctor tell you any of this?" She asked if I had any questions, and waited patiently for me to think about things. I felt like she was actually in the room, holding Hazel & putting her hand on my shoulder. She was my favorite kind of professional -- a teacher. My HVAC guy has come by to check on our unit several times this summer. I love him because he shines his little flashlight all over our ductwork in the crawlspace telling me what is what, how it works, and what to look for in the future as signs of success or trouble. This is what I want in a professional, and it's just odd to me that I found it in Ask-A-Nurse, and not at all in my doctor.

I wonder whether all of this processing is just a result of me overthinking things (as usual), or if this is a process normal people go through. And I also wonder if doctors know this kind of thing happens with their patients, and whether they even care. I wish we could all have a forum of doctors teaching patients how to be better patients, and patients teaching doctors how to be better doctors. Seriously, I think a clinic should host it every year, and if you want to be a part of their service you have to attend. Seems like everyone could benefit and the whole shebang would operate more efficiently. And efficiency is great for the bottom line, right?

I recently rediscovered an old acquaintance on facebook. He's now a pediatrician in Maine -- also a passionate blogger (http://bleakonomy.blogspot.com). A few of his entries have just made me think about this topic more and more today. I want to be respectful of my doctor and the relationship we have cultivated so far. However, I want to be a student & proficient executor of the health of my child. And I'm not sure that those two desires go together. I don't know...I'm torn. We have our six month check up in April, so it is my goal to reach a decision by then.

And after re-reading my post, it kind of annoys me that I'm being so emotional. That so much feeling goes into a decision that probably should be 99.9% logic. Tory would approach it that way. He would just scrap the mediocre relationship & move on. But then again, he's not the one who would have to go through the pain of finding a new doctor, which is about as much fun as finding a new church.

1..2..3..Months Old!

The post is a little late, but I thought I'd note that Hazel just passed the 3 month mark (17th). Happy Birthday, Hazel Jane! Awhile back I thought it'd be great to take a picture in the same place each month on her "birthday" (not an original idea) to watch how she grows. I didn't see much with just 2 pictures, but now adding the third you can really see how she's getting bigger! The task is much more daunting than I thought it would be. It's pretty difficult to get her to sit up and sit still -- and even more difficult to snap a decent expression. There are lots of smiles to chose from, but my camera & I never seem to get it quite right. Oh well, the point is to watch the growth, we'll have other pictures to capture the beauty. Take a look ---

1 Month Old...

2 Months... and 3 Months!

I think I see it mostly in her chubby thighs, but also height & head -- she's just getting bigger all over! This is probably just as amazing as watching grass grow to most -- of course, all babies grow -- but it's amazing to me to watch my baby grow. Like she won an Oscar or something.

The third month has brought joy after joy. She laughs now. She loves watching me motorboat my lips -- finds it hilarious. And tries it herself sometimes, too, mostly resulting in spit bubbles. She woke up the other morning and I guess had discovered her tongue; she just wanted to move it around and in and out for a few days. She's over that now, thank goodness. She rolled over at 2 1/2 months, but we've already talked about that. She loves to play on her belly, and when she gets tired she turns to her back to play. Still loves to look in the mirror and at her mobile, and is getting used to some new "friends" she got for Christmas. (I call her toys "friends", it makes me feel less bad when I let her play with them and go do something else.) Two of her favorites are her play gym & her play tv. I also got her a Kickin' Coaster, and she loves it. I would very highly recommend that seat. She can push herself up and down, and it lights up when she kicks hard enough. Very good for muscle development, and way better than a seat you just passively sit in.

I'm a huge fan of her new schedule. I nurse her & tuck her in her crib around 9:30 or 10pm, and she sleeps until about 7:30am! Sometimes she cries when I put her down, but she is usually over it and konked out within 30 minutes. I like to think that the Bedtime With the Beatles music helps. She takes 1-2 naps during the day, but I haven't found much consistency with her naps yet. If she starts to get really cranky & red around the eyes, it's into the crib to cry to sleep, and she's been doing very well with that method.

I worked out for the first time the other day. My sister got me the Gold's Gym resistance workout kit for Christmas, and it is truly incredible. I don't think I'll ever go to a gym again! Hopefully I'll be back to my old weight soon -- only 7 pounds to go, but they are sure being stubborn. We also did Itsy Bitsy Yoga (for mother & baby) the other day. I almost couldn't finish the dvd because it was getting so cheesy, but every time I thought about stopping, Hazel would crack up like she was having so much fun, so I continued. I think we'll learn the routine & then do it without the sappy instructor.

Hazel & Tory have started to develop more of a relationship as well. It's neat to see her comforted by his deep loud voice & big hands; so different from my approach. It's so sweet to know she can appreciate a wide spectrum of affection.

She goes through several outfits a day now -- with all the drooling, spitting up, and major blow outs, it's just inevitable. I don't mind, really. She's got so many cute clothes and I love to see her in all of them. She grows out of things so fast right now, it's probably the only chance she has of getting to wear everything in her closet!

She is still nursing really well, and I am so thankful for the success we've had in that department. I LOVE nursing. It's such a bonding experience, and I love knowing that she is getting good nutrition. I'm also super glad I don't have to wash bottles & endure all the inconvenience that goes with formula. Our dishwasher still doesn't work. I hope to nurse at least until she is 6 months old, and maybe for a year if we can, but we'll see how it all works out.

Hazel is really such a joy. She is quick to smile and just makes the most beautiful sounds. I really love her disposition, and am thankful to have been blessed with such a breezy baby for my first. I know I'm completely biased, but I just think there is something really special about her -- a spark in her eyes that you don't see in every baby. Yes, I'm in love. Unabashedly in love.

Daisy-o-Daisy

Thought I would blog about another baby today. This is DAISY.
For you regular bluebird readers you may remember her from a posting last fall. Tory brought her home as a pup about a week before we had Hazel. I kind of think of her as "the other woman"... I've never really been a Daisy fan. I couldn't object, because since I've known Tory, I've invited 4 cats & 3 dogs into our lives without consulting him about it at all. So when he finally wanted "his own" dog, I couldn't really say no -- even though I was about to birth a child.

You may remember Charlie, the chocolate love of my life that passed away right after we got married in 07. Part of the reason I haven't liked Daisy is that I feel like she's supposed to be a replacement for him, and that just makes me want to vomit. Like that's even remotely possible. Tory says I've idolized Charlie after death, and I'm sure that's partly true. But he really was amazing, and he was mine. (And that has a lot of value when everything suddenly becomes "ours"...)

I got Charlie at a time in my life when I was available to spend a lot of time with him and train him. That, combined with getting to run off a ton of energy at the farm with Tory everyday, made for a very well behaved dog. And he just knew me in such a wonderful way. I loved being known. He was also what I believe to be the most attractive dog ever. When someone says "dog" I have always, and still do picture a brown, block-headed, short-coated dog. Just plain and strong and beautifully brown. I've never really cared for multi-colored or long haired breeds. Ick.

When Velda went into heat last year (she's the yellow lab below), Tory tried to mate her with Bear (a very regal and strong chow mix from the Olathe farm). I probably would have welcomed this offspring, even though their coats would have been a bit long. But when the pups came out, it was clear that the little bitch whored around a little before Bear got to her. Because all the pups were obviously Pablo's (the black dog below).

Pablo has a lot of fans out there (most of Tory's family loves him), but I have NEVER been one. The dog just bugs me. He jumps like crazy, which I think is completely unacceptable. And he just has this funny energy about him... I don't know. He doesn't know how to mind, and I just don't get the appeal on any level. I will say the dog can run fast. Probably even faster than Charlie (that statement shows I have retained some degree of objectivity). But he's so hairy and jumpy and just ... ick. So there's another strike against Daisy.

By the time I shell out love to Hazel, and to Nelson (the scruffy pup above), and to Chin (my cat), there's just hardly any left for Daisy. And I didn't even mention Tory in that list -- he needs love to. And what about myself? Always passed over these days. Daisy is a puppy -- into everything and lots of energy. She's just challenging for me to love. Really challenging.

But I have realized this past week that she is the dog that Hazel will grow up with. I mean, there's Nelson too, but he's a terrier and not much of a cuddle-bug. There is a chance that Hazel & Daisy could develop a beautiful relationship of knowing and being known. So I've decided I need to invest some of myself in this dog for that very possibility. She does have a sweet heart, I can tell that already, she just needs "rules, boundaries, and limitations" as Cesar Milan would say. I can't have my Charlie back, but there's a chance Hazel could have a shot at the same kind of love, so here goes.

Daisy, come here honey. Let's spend 30 minutes trying to teach you how to hold still.

Twenty Little Piggies

This is special to me. Very precious. Morning wake-up & play in pajamas time. She's going to be walking in no time.

Some pretty morning pics

Hazel Rolls Over!

Hazel rolled over from front to back for the first time on January 6th, at the young age of 2 1/2 months. Way to go! Here's a video of one of her stunning performances. (Turn your sound down unless you want to hear my super cheesy stage-mom voice.) Watch for the victorious fist pump at the end.

One of my favorites...

More Onesies for New Babies of Old Friends

Today Hazel went to one of her first & finest girl parties. Our dear friend Becca (www.wirkenphoto.com) is expecting a little girl, and Hazel & I have been so excited! Well, ok, Hazel doesn't realize it yet, but give her a few years & I think she'll be great pals with the little Spears just like I am with Mama Spears. I don't have any pics of the party, my hands were busy enough with baby & the most delectable pastries you've ever seen. Becca rented out Natasha's Mulberry & Mott down at Mission Farms for a Marie Antoinette Tea Party themed baby shower. It was a beautiful party, and Hazel & I were so happy to go.
Over the summer I copied my mother's hobby and started embroidering. I really love it. I haven't had a creative outlet for quite awhile, so it was nice to experience that again. (I was crazy craft girl in high school...) I made quite a few onesies for Hazel that turned out really well. (I posted pictures of those last fall.) Here are the two I made for Becca's little darling.

I'm never sure whether it's appropriate to complement your own handiwork, but I'll go ahead this time and just say that I LOVE this owl. I was so proud of it. It was actually kind of complicated & took me longer than any I've made so far (which is only like 7, but still). You can't see in this picture, but the branch wraps around the side. I used several different types of stitching to hopefully give the lines different textures, and I used several different colors of thread in the eyes to give it a little more dimension. There isn't a lot out there right now on interesting embroidery technique, so I'm kind of making stuff up as I go. Anyway, I love it, and I think Becca does too.

Christmas... Just Us

I think this is my favorite picture from Christmas, and it doesn't even have Hazel in it! The weekend after Christmas, Tory & I had our holiday celebration. We always have crab legs, and this year we added lemon roasted potatoes, "red lobster" biscuits, and caesar salad. Finish it off with some angel food cake with berries & whipped cream, and it's about the best meal I can imagine. It felt so good to just take time & cook and not have anyone else around. Also felt good to polish off a good bottle of wine. After a few presents (he got me Spanish Rosetta Stone & a gift card to get a chiminea & truck load of pinon), we ended the night watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on the laptop in bed. So relaxed. So nice. More traditional holiday pics to come later, but I wanted to get this one up first.